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I AM GAY!

03 Aug

Now that i have you attention i can go on to tackle more serious issues…

Dear Doris,

I am not gay, im just executing this skill my primary school "get them at the Title"

Moving on….

its cold today, i am in a trench coat…yes ladies and gentlemen….. MY TRENCH COAT that i bought myself! i used up all my money and had to make a few call to get home from town (i was MPESA-RUPT) Moving on, ive just shoplifted a huge bag of crisps at some shop outside my office, i was busted by one of those ladies who make 1,000,000 rounds inside the tiny shop but she let me keep it for reasons i dont understand… i feel poor, mybe she thought i hadnt eaten lunch or something!! now im left with two choices

  1. either to go pay for it later….OR
  2. never show my face near that shop again!!!

i think ill never show my face!!

speaking of which… i have shoplifted 8 items from different shops in my lifetime!! i was busted in alllll cases except one which ill share with you!!

  1. when i was in class 4 i stole a tie from a shop that sells uniforms!! i didnt even need it…i was there with hundreds of ties and no attendant! WHAT WOULD YOU HAVE DONE????
  2. i shoplifted a fish at a pet shop and put it in my pocket!!! i timed when no one was watching and  SWOOHHHHH! i dipped my hand into the aquarium and yanked out a gold fish!!! my shorts were very wet!! my mum goes like "ian ILAYO???!!!" (ian! you have pissed on yourself?!") a dead fish was in my pocket not long from that moment… the indian shopkeeper gavre me a fish!!i was 10!!
  3. i stole bread in class 5. it wasnt mine, i was stealing it for my sick friend who looked really hungry!! My mother as called!! she didnt my 'SICK FRIEND' story!!!
  4. i stole a sketch pad at a new supermarket… ive never been there again to date!! i was told i will die next time i go there! i love my life!!
  5. in two occasions i stole chocolate for my girlfriend/wife Irene and was busted!! it was love!! She needed chocolate!! i went back a second time because i had been training after being busted the 1st time!! it was going to be like THE ITALIAN JOB!!! i was busted with chocolate that couldnt fit in my pocket!!
  6. see above!
  7. THIS IS THE ONE TIME I ACTUALLY SUCCEEDED!! it was winter of  1999!! it was cold…. there was no food! the firewood had burned out!! the snow was deep!! the wolfs were howling!! The night was young…. i needed a BON BON!!! i walked into the supermarket,  picked 2 BON BONS and shotr! INSIDE JOB!!!!!!

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1 Comment

Posted by on August 3, 2010 in Uncategorized

 

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One response to “I AM GAY!

  1. Abba

    August 3, 2010 at 5:15 pm

    Lies!He stole one more time when he was 20?during a funeral too!!Petrol station snickers ring any bells?

     

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