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WHY YOU DONT BELIEVE!

20 Aug

Dear Doris,

I have just deleted a perfectly edited copy pasted article !it was about HOW TO BE IAN SKETCH*!! My small sister busted me!!! Its scary how well she knows my works!!! Its an amazing feeling to have someone like that around!! She knows my art…SHE KNOWS WHAT I DREW AND WHAT I DIDNT, SHE KNOWS WHAT I WROTE AND WHAT I DIDNT!!!

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Enough about my psychic sister!!

i am still at the office, its raining outside and i cant afford leaving the office in my designer jacket!!! My trench coat is already ruined and we dont want to spoil another one!!

f you have noticed, in  this post im writing about random things that do not relate in any way!! i dont have a reason… its like playing around with your pen on random pages of your journal!! I have so many journals, half of which i dont know where they are!! is that last sentence right??

i started keeping journals in Form 1!!! I wrote a lot!! it was the only way of staying sane in my school!! I wrote about everything, teh lessons, what the teacher was wearing, the clouds, draems, nightmares, wishes….i wrote abuot the grass, and thoughts!! In only 1 term, i filled two 400 paged journals!!! I slowed down on writing when i lost my second journal!!! the thought of someone reading all these things shattered my insides!It killed me! I bareely filled a journal in the second term!!! I got addicted to buying journals!! It got to a point i had 18 empty books!!

I filled most of the 18 journals in my 2nd year!! No one believed my high school stories, even i found it hard to believe myself-not because i was lying, but because things that went down in my school didnt give chance for belief!! I could come back home and two students were dead!!! no one believed i used to shower in an abandoned gold mine 2 Kms away from school!! No one believed that there was no electricity and we had prefects called LAMP LIGHTERS!!! NO ONE BELIEVED BUT MY JOURNAL!!!

i did my time to the end. 4 years! Best lesson of my life!!

so far i have lost more than 5 journals! the thought scares me!i am going to mail all of them to a random address somewhere in Utah! Reason- none whatsoever!!

I read through the ones i have once in a while!! I feel like i am lying to myself!! i never go past the first few pages, its always a good feeling knowing that part is behind me now!!

i can now proudly say, " i built my career on, blood sweat and tears , And I'm still here, gettin stronger each year Cause what don't kill me, could only help build me" -Lil Kim (click here to listen)

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Posted by on August 20, 2010 in Uncategorized

 

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