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CELEBRITY SEX TAPES

10 Dec

Dear Doris,

I ask thee not to hate me for my silence!! The Bahamas has terrible internet!!! 

On to the real shit!!

My topic is absolutely irrelevant!! You will never find celebrity sex tapes here!! I googled  'most googled'  and CELEBRITY SEX TAPES popped up!! this should boost my daily views by millions!!! I am so sneaky!

Has anyone ever told you "DUNIA NI DUARA?" to those who do not understand Italian, its "I AM SORRY I FARTED!"

Moving on… so have you heard those kind words before!! Well ladies and gentlemen, its true!!! I will explain!!

9 months ago the boys and I went to some chic's birthday party at The Loft!! Children were everywhere…. like Nyoyo!!! When I say children I mean 16 [almost nude] year olds!! They were everywhere!! But thats not the point!! My boys and I looked so old we were almost frozen!!! But that's not my story….

10 months ago I met some chic at java. To those who haven't been to The bahamas, Java is a coffee shop! We shared a table coz the place was so packed!! Long story short, I paid her bill!!! 

Come back to The Loft!!! I see this chic and I am like well well well… time to pay what you owe! 

I walk to her slowlllllyyy… Leaving the pack behind!! She was at the bar struggling to buy a drink!! I tap her shoulder campaigning for a 'HEYY HANDSOME!!!'

"EXCUSE YOU<, DO I KNOW YOU!!!?" Spartan

My clear skies were now clouded and dark!! I walked back to the pack almost crying!!!

1 day ago, a woman comes to my shop!! I am painting a pair of shoes! 

"Hi, I called you yesterday!! I wanted you to meet my daughter who is an aspiring artist and wants to be like you someday!!" she started!! I did her fathers portrait some time back!!

My chest pumps up with pride!! SOMEONE WANTS TO BE LIKE ME WHEN THEY GROW UP!! 

The woman then sticks her head out of the shop and calls out in Spanish….

" Wangari, spanish spanish spanish!" 

Here it comes…. Guess who wants to be come like Ian Arunga when they grow up…. haha!! Wangari is miss THE LOFT!!! hAHAHA! MY HEAVENS!

I almost said "EXCUSE YOU, DO I KNOW YOU!!!?" when she brought out her hand for a shake!! My hands had paint so I refused!! 

"Kwani munajuana?" (that is 'ISNT HE SOMETHING' in Spanish! The woman says after seeing the disbelief in my face!!

"No, Ma'am, we havent met before!" I say quickly before Wangari could answer!!

Moral of the story….

USIMDHARAU YULE ALITAKA KUKUJUA, KANAKWAMBA LAHUDA UNTAKA KUWA KAMA YEYE UTAKAPOMEA (grow up)!

in English..

NEVER LOOK DOWN ON ANYBODY UNLESS YOU ARE HELPING HIM UP!

 

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1 Comment

Posted by on December 10, 2010 in Uncategorized

 

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One response to “CELEBRITY SEX TAPES

  1. Jmaruru.wordpress.com

    December 11, 2010 at 12:11 pm

    Oh look now you have me laughing again!

     

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