15 Dec

Dear Doris,

Its only 10am and I am hungry shitless! I have been using this ‘shitless’ word a lot lately!! Anyhu, I didn’t have breakfast… I never have breakfast!! But this hunger for today is abnormal! I think I am not the only one involved-maybe a few million worms and me!! But the thing that got me more hungry is when my mother texted a few minutes ago asking why I did not carry my samosas!!! I almost collapsed!! If it were not for you my love, I would have gone back home to get them!!

Moving on…

Today I want to talk to you about NAMES!!! Before I get into that, do you know you are more likely to know the guy you have 4 friends in common with than the one you have 35 friends in common with! FACEBOOK!

Where was I before all this rudeness! Yeah, NAMES!

1.    Virginia

I don’t understand why you would name your child-VIRGINIA! Out of all the names… Virginia?? I mean… it reminds you of so many wrong things… like bread and fish!! I saw the look in your face. I know what you thought I was going to say! I don’t think I would listen to what you are saying if your name was Vagina…sorry, I mean Virginia!!

2.   Agatha

Agatha is a beautiful name, but not where I come from!! Let me take that sentence again – Agatha is a beautiful name when twanged! Try it in a luo accent!! I would die every time I had to call my daughter!!

“AGATHA! AGATHA! BI KA!” that in English is  “AGATHA! AGATHA! The food is burning!” I am tired of explaining every Italian word I use!!! LEARN SOMETHING!!

3.   Jesus!

Father forgive me for using thy name in vain!! WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU NAME YOUR CHILD JESUS! THA FU**! Here I am apologizing for using his name ONCE, and you have to call your son every time you need him!! MEYYNNN!!

I had a friend named Jesus in 4th grade! He was a very stubborn kid. Never did his homework, was always in the noisemakers list, always late in the morning… If it wasn’t for him, I would have been the worst kid in school – no matter how hard I tried, he was always a few steps ahead of me!! If I faked a headache, he broke his arm. If I copied someone’s homework, he copied mine!! His name was everywhere!!

“Jesus this and Jesus that!!”

4.   Romeo!!

Hahaha! Ok I am not into  tribalism, but imagine a Kikuyu man named Romeo!! Romeo Waweru Kamau!! It almost sounds like you can write Harry Potter!! Get it? J.K Rowling=R.W Kamau! Hahaahah!! My word!

I hate when people get names from fairy tales, like

5.    Cinderella and

6.   Snow White!!

Look at it this way, these people were created by someone to help children go to sleep = BED TIME STORIES!!!


Now this name I like! It is the weirdest name I have ever heard, but I like it! My first girlfriend was called Shyrose!! That was like 45 years ago!! It’s a mouth full.

Imagine having to call her in anger… “SHYROTH??! COME HERE YOU WHORE!!!” That’s if I found her cheating!!!

I ABHORE CHEATING!!! Did I spell ABHORE right!! Haha!! This just came to me… I ABHORE WHORES! Hahaha! My language has become very filthy!! I have worked extremely hard to improve on my spelling then now I have to deal with FILTH! My Word!


You have to admit my spelling has become really good… Its called – SPELL CHECK BAIBE!


8.   Angel

Then last but not best 9get it??)hahaha! Angel!!! I do not understand the logic of naming your child-ANGEL! I am not hating!! It means ‘messenger of God ‘ and blah blah, all flowery and innocent!! NYE NYE! I just don’t like it and I have no reason whatsoever!!


Disclaimer: If you are reading this and your name appears here, I am terribly sorry for not liking your name!! If you are my friend and your name is here, just ignore it, I didn’t mean not  to like it…. If you are offended- I am sorry and I promise never to write about names I hate until I have learnt to love yours =) I am such a sweetheart!!!


Good morrow, my love. I have to go pick my nose. I have a flu and mucus keeps on drying up inside!! I love removing them using my bare finger!!! Kisses!!






Posted by on December 15, 2010 in Uncategorized


6 responses to “NAMES I HATE

  1. magi

    March 31, 2011 at 1:59 pm

    u forgot margaret….

  2. Abba

    March 31, 2011 at 4:42 pm

    Pricilla, Vincent, Wycliff( in Kenya where it’s pronounce Wicliff) and Fred!!!

  3. Nyamarende

    March 31, 2011 at 11:04 pm

    Oh yess Abbinzosss Wiclifff :-))!

  4. tkimani

    July 26, 2012 at 11:21 am

    AGATHA! AGATHA! BI KA! lol, true that this name sounds awesome when twanged. Sadly this doesnt translate to ‘Italian’!

    • mydeardoris

      July 26, 2012 at 12:17 pm

      hahahahahaha! You tried google translate?? hahaha! Funny!


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