Dear Dee Dee,
I have friend called Dee Dee who is a malaya (malaya is Mexican for thief) and calling you that doesn't bring out the faithfulness in you! Allow me to start again!!
My Sweet Doris,
I don't know about you but this makes more sense!! Oh, Dee Dee, if you a are reading this, I am sorry, its not you I was talking about at the beginning of this letter, i was yapping about this lady I met in Cuba last October… I wouldn't call you a malaya, you are better than that!!
That people, is called conflict management!!
I am feeling hungry and at the same time I feel like going to the bathroom- who said men couldnt multi task!!!
On to more important things!!
I almost forgot I had a story I couldn't miss telling you today!!!
So I wake up at 5:30 am which has never happened the whole of this year… I hit the shower and i am in my office clothes in an hour. If you got more than a D+ in math at any point of your life, you already know that its 6:30 am. I don't take breakfast unless I made it! So i rush out of the house and get a jav right at my gate!! I jump in and put Rkelly on shuffle on my ipod! The makanga taps my shoulder and then and only then, i realize I dont have my wallet!! I panic and almost jump out of a moving electric train (normally that is what I do when this happens)!! Thats the primary mode of transport here in Birmingham Al! The negro taps me again!! I squint like Michael Scoffield with high hopes that I was going to come up with something!! I am sweating- i can feel the chemistry between my cologne and the sweat-its going to blow!!
Long story short, These MOTHAFISHES (motherfishes is a polite term for motherfishes! Not Mothafucker*) take me all the to town and leave me for dead (Be advised that I get off this train at Chiromo( Chiromo is a small town 21 Km west of Leeds) and have to get two more trains to work)!! I have to call someone from home to bring me my wallet!! I get to the office late and 40£ broker than I would be if I would have remembered to carry my wallet!!
Lastly, I cant stand women who clip their nails in the same matatu I am in or in a matatu AT ALL(a matatu is an electric train) !! THEN THE NAILS THEN KEEP ON SHOOTING IN ALL DIRECTIONS !! AGHH! and for that simple reason, if you stay in Kileleshwa and was on a jav this morning clipping you ugly nails and was wearing an ugly worn out sweater-I kindly say Fuck you and I hate you!
Random fact-I WENT TO SEVEN NURSERY SCHOOLS!!!
Are you still looking out for something relating to NO SEX NO SPOONING?? Look no further- even if you do you will not find it here!! NEEDED YOUR FULL ATTENTION and if you are reading this… I GOT IT!
WARNING- i am sorry I forgot to warn you at the beginning of this post that it would contain foul language!! Try to erase everything you have just read from your mind!!