11 Jan

Dear Doris,

I am not well today. I was diagnosed with acute laziness this morning. I am sorry I will not be alive long enough to see your beautiful face again. Doctors here in India say i have 5 months but my Belgium doctors say its nothing more than a month! I am confused my love… confused by the fact that I will miss you until I am no more…

Aunt Sue is here with me and will not stop telling me that I will make it… She prays everyday. I pray with her but I do not shut my eyes… If there is truly a demon in me and  prayers will actually send it away, I want to watch it leave…

My Doris, the hours I spend with you in thought is somewhere close to 25 hours a day… I see you when I get up and feel you when I go to sleep… Sometimes I am afraid to fall asleep because I am afraid I might die before I get to start dreaming about you… I am scared of that little gap between reality and dream which I have no control over…

Love, I went to watch a movie today… The Tourist. Heard about it? Its Johnny Depp and Angelina Jolie. I can see the spark in your eyes already. I am not sure if its gotten to Africa yet though. I went with Ru. I know you are wondering who Ru is. She is this beautiful woman I met sometime in October. I know we haven't been apart long enough to start seeing other people, but sweetheart she is perfect. You told me if I was ever to see someone else, she wouldn't be anything less than perfect… I obeyed that. we have been together 11 weeks now. All I can say is that I didn't know I could love this much. I have told her a lot about you. How we met and moments we shared. She loves you and I hope you two get to meet someday.  2009-06-04

I am not ending what we have my Love, for what we have is eternal! I am not trying to say you are not perfect, it is from you that I learnt human perfection. you have taught me how to choose right.

From the movies I walked to work. I saw the house I told you I would buy for us on our wedding day. IfI die before that day my love, I have 100,000,000 ksh buried under our kitchen floor (the cabin in Italy) with it are 5 names of people I trust with my life. Names of 5 friends. One, the first one is an architect, he will help with the blueprints. the second, a pastor, he will pray everything goes well. The third a gardener , who will make sure the compound will always be beautiful when you wake up in the morning. The fourth, a doctor, who will make sure you live to be four times as old as I was and the last one, a personal assistant, to make sure you spend that money right. 

I love you Doris….


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Posted by on January 11, 2011 in Uncategorized


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