02 Feb

Dear Doris,

Honey, I know you are tired. I am too… But this letter is important, and it would be nice if you gave me your eyes!!

Toady's letter is a lesson on respect!!

Remember in early primary school when you first heard about this word? The fat teacher who taught you all subjects, from coloring to coloring and now she is busy throwing in tough words like RESPECT and ZEBRA CROSSING!! Shes busy teaching you about traffic lights, shit you have never seen!! Please be advised that i went to primary school in Kisumu… I DON THINK THEY HAVE TRAFFIC LIGHTS TO DATE but this fat woman is busy pushing all this down my throat!!! 

"When the light turns green, it means GO!!" GO WHERE??!! I am in class 2 for crying out loud and here you are speaking in code!! 

Exams would have the three colours and you would be asked to write what they meant

RED= stop 73864_444540436425_545946425_5807843_391171_n

ORANGE=get ready


Then to make shit worse, Orange was not called Orange… I CANT EVEN FU*KIN REMEMBER WHAT IT WAS CALLED!!

Googled it… AMBER!!! THA FU*K!!! 

But this wasn't about traffic lights or my fat teacher who was pregnant for 8 years… This is about RESPECT!!

So, there was this one time. a long time ago. I am in a matatu going home!! This old man boards the same matatu I was in and looks at me funny!! I knew what he wanted… My seat!! I was this tiny kid who has been STUDYING THE WHOLE FUC*N DAY and he wanted me to stand and leave for him my seat!! THIS MOTHA F***R BE TRIPPIN!! 

I look at him and stay rooted on my seat!! Here is the funny part… HE THROWS A TANTRUM!!! 

"Children of these days do not have respect for elders!!!" I almost kicked him on the nuts!!!

He boards the matatu late and by some miracle i am supposed to shoot off my seat… And if it was a 'respect your elders thing, that man was probably older than everyone in that matatu, BUT HE ONLY SAW ME!!!

Methinks that man had no RESPECT!! If he could have asked me nicely, maybe throw in a few coins, i would have thought about it!! You don't just walk in a matatu and demand a seat from a 10 year old boy who has been working his brain all day trying to figure out WHAT COLOUR AMBER WAS and spending a load of money trying to impress an Indian girl!!

p.s I just image googled amber!!! NAKED WOMEN POPPED ON MY SCREEN WITH LEGS IN IMPOSSIBLE FOLDS AND SPLITS!! I hope the syllabus has changed and traffic light are taught in driving school and not sijui naso!!

ION (that means in other news) I think the guy who sat next to me pissed on himself!! Its either that or he had cow piss for breakfast and burped!! SMH (that means shaking my head)!! 

BTWICSTFACICUHOT-MF (that means 'by the way i cant stand these Fu*n abbreviations coz i cant understand half of them-mothafishes*) 

That is all…

He who wants a rose must respect the thorn. – Persian Proverb


Posted by on February 2, 2011 in comedy, matatu tales, Uncategorized


Tags: ,

3 responses to “RESPECT IS EARNED!!!

  1. Savvykenya

    February 2, 2011 at 3:15 pm

    For someone talking about respect, you use such respectful language.

  2. the sketch

    February 2, 2011 at 4:38 pm

    i have stopped. not a swear word now onwards… =(

  3. Ruman Kuria

    February 4, 2011 at 3:08 pm

    I think you’re fucking fantastic :-*


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