10 Feb

Dear Doris,

I am busy as sex!! I promised i will no curse on my last post… so every slot that I was supposed to use F* i will use sex and every slot I was supposed to use MothaF*… I will use sex-worker!!  I will kindly ask of you to allow me to use shit and bitch though… Agreed?/ Thought so!!

Before I get deep into this, this post goes out to all those house boys and house girls out there who have to wake up at the crack of dawn to boil water for their master and master's children and fix breakfast… Big up!! big up!! 

This is dedicated to them strugglers because: *check out the slave English=them strugglers* thee hee!! Holding-a-guitar-is-like-turning-an-on-off-switch-for-getting-laid

Like I said earlier, I think, running water in my hood, Kileleshwa, i becoming a bedtime story!! A million apartments have been erected with absolutely nothing being done about the water system!! To shower in the morning, water has to be boiled by the 'Helper'!! The 'Helper' boils water for everyone so he/she has to get up extremely early to do so….

p.s- i was almost killed as a kid for calling our 'Helper' a MAID!!! 

Moving on…

Our helper, for the past 4 or 3 days has been away… Funeral!! So we, the children, wake up, in turns (we are 3) to boil bathing water for everyone else in the house!! Today, was my turn!! 

The STORY!!!

My dad wakes me up at the BREAK of dawn (p.s BREAK is crack in the extreme) to remind me that its my turn!! He called me like 6 times… I heard him the first time… the rest of the times I was busy telling myself it was a bad dream!!!


I woke up and went to the kitchen and put a huge sufuria on the gas cooker and fell asleep… i woke up to find myself leaning on the kitchen counter- IT WASNT A BAD DREAM!! I realised much later that i forgot to light the damn thing!!


I fell asleep again in the guest room waiting for the water to heat up ( a sufuria that big full of water in my head would take like an hour to heat up)… BIG MISTAKE!! The kitchen was a small volcano when I went back… I almost died trying to switch the cooker off!! I lived with minor burns!!


I slipped and fell hard on my bum carrying water into the bathroom… All the water i had boiled… I watched MY HARD WORK go DOWN THE DRAIN… LITERALLY!!!


I finally managed to boil some water for everyone… My sister comes to the kitchen and says " i will need more water" I killed her in my head!! 

I showered with cold water… I didnt boil water for myself… I was like sex it!!! 

SO to all ye 'Helpers' who come to their near deaths every sex working* morning!! We love you meyynn!! 

And lastly… the tout in one of the matatus I took to work today was eating 6 smokeys at the same time and couldnt shut up… Chewed food was kindly being dished out. His breat smelt like he had been on a SHIT SANDWICH DIET!!

That is all!


Posted by on February 10, 2011 in comedy, Uncategorized


Tags: , ,

2 responses to “MAID

  1. Savvykenya

    February 11, 2011 at 10:47 am

    You consider yourself a ‘child’?

  2. Adell

    June 21, 2012 at 7:09 pm

    I have laughed!!!!


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