08 Mar

Dear Doris,

Today is Women's Day and I couldn't let today pass without a letter!! I don't know what normally happens on this day, I am not sure if I am supposed to send a gift to you or to visit the pregnant women in maternity's nearby… Something tells me I can do both… Today is a day to appreciate the special women in our lives! I am feeling stupid…

So to all my mothers, sisters, cousins, nieces, girlfriend and you Doris My love for you all is heavy!!

Now that we are done with the cute bit, let me take you on a journey… To a land far far away… Kogelo and beyond!NARNIA kando! I want to take you to The Bard…

I am going to tell you a story about how I almost slept with my high school English teacher….


So I wrote letters to chics on my friends' behalf… haha!! For a 25 bob fee I wrote away! One of my clients though, thought it right to secretly address his letters to my English teacher, lets call the boy DOUCHE and the English teacher L. I was finally busted coz of my handwriting and the boy, my client denied all charges leaving me in total chaos!! All the evidence pointed straight to my ass… My Queen's English, my bullet proof vybe, oh and my handwriting!! In my school good English was a rumour, so finding me wasnt so hard plus no one believed that boy could write that well…

I was summoned by L to the guidance and counselling office. With her was my Chemistry teacher see also 'total bitch'! Il_fullxfull.122185913


So I am here… Before two very annoying women being accused of writing love letters to one of them, explaining my fantasies in length!!

… Did I mention the principal was L's husband??!!

and it was 10 days to KCSE!!!?

The two women rant and rave… Then The Chemistry one had a class to go to…

So I am here with this 40 year old one *AWKWARD MOMENTOS*

"what were you thinking writing me those letters…" she asks..

in my head I was thinking "25 bob perhaps"

Somewhere in the middle of all this I give up on trying to defend myself and bite the bullet… I was in trouble anyway… How bad could it get!!

" I want you to walk to the principal's office and tell him you are competing with him!!" she says in utter arrogance!! Expecting me to weep by her feet…

I am caught off guard!! Completely!!

"GO!!" She reminds me!!

I walk out of that tiny office with a bleak future…

"there goes my life" I say to myself…

I walk slowly to the man's office…

L shouts out my name just before I walk in…

"come back here!!" she says!! AT THAT SECOND I SAW JESUS!!!

I walk back fast before she changes her mind!!

I get into the office and she asks me to lock the door behind me… HAHAHAHAHA!!!

I give Caesar  what belongs to him… [I LOCK THE DOOR]

"is this what you wanted?? She asks, unbuttoning her blouse! Her white bra evident!!

In my head i am laughing my head off wishing my friends were peeping!! 

"huh?" she asks… shes down to the fourth button… OUT OF FIVE!! I am dead silent!!


I almost said ' the nigga who wanted this strip show is in class probably thinking about you right now!!'

"no madam…" I answer confidently. She looked like she had swallowed a lemon!!!

" go to class and let this raise as little dust as possible!!" she spits, buttoning her blouse!!

Walking back to class I met the principal… Talking on his phone… WHAT WOULD I HAVE TOLD THIS 7 foot MONSTER!!!!



p.s- I can get into so much trouble for this!! At least I didnt cuss… not once =)





Posted by on March 8, 2011 in Uncategorized


Tags: , ,

5 responses to “SEX, ENGLISH AND MRS. L


    March 11, 2011 at 11:48 pm

    this has literally made my day!! hahaha!! which high school is this btw?? hilarious, the end:)

    • mydeardoris

      March 26, 2011 at 1:04 pm

      its called THE BARD… I am very serious by the way!!! =) more stories on it to come!!!

  2. Dodmichaela

    March 11, 2011 at 11:49 pm

    was meant to comment using twitter above.. oops!

  3. jaq09

    March 26, 2011 at 9:50 pm

    You are as hilarious as you look bruv…Mrs. L was the wife to the 7 foot monster? hhehehehehe…what if you had gone ahead with it?hmmm

  4. Linda

    March 29, 2011 at 2:15 pm

    Lol!! How did I miss this one!!
    Be careful what you get paid for……..!


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