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BALLS!!

11 Apr

Dear Doris,

So Its 6:30pm and I m still at the office coz of this one letter I had to send you!!!

The weekend was amazing…

So my parents went to the Mara for their 28th anniversary which was fully paid by my siblings in the States, a fact we were made aware of at 5am on Friday morning just before devotion! My mother, Mama, made it clear how well she thought of OUR SIBLINGS!!

“By the way, we will be traveling to the MARA this weekend for our 28th anniversary. YOUR SIBLINGS who are in the States paid for everything……. YOUR SIBLINGS ORGANIZED EVERYTHING!!!” This was at dawn!!

Yes, we still wake up at dawn for devotion… All I get from those prayer sessions is “AMEN”.

The parents came back on Sunday evening!! Very happy. They couldn’t shut up about the animals and the hotel!! At the dinner table, they went on and on!! My dad is very chilled out, but this time he was out of control!! WAH!

Then, Mama decides to finish off with this story of how 3 cheetahs killed a buffalo!! This was getting boring!!

“Cheetahs are very intelligent!” she started, taking a bite of her fish!!

” VERY!” my dad responds!! Having the least of ideas of whats coming next!!

“IMAGINE THE JUST SURROUNDED THE BUFFALO AND ONE OF THEM….”

Wait before I finish what she said, let me give you a brief description of Mama.

She is 55 and beautiful. She, if you have heard of the book; THE POWER OF A PRAYING WIFE By Stormie Omartian; is THE PRAYING WIFE!!! She is the first in church if not the 3rd….There are some things you don’t expect to hear her say..

Back to the story….

“IMAGINE THE JUST SURROUNDED THE BUFFALO AND ONE OF THEM GRABBED THE BUFFALO BY THE BALLS!!” For a split second I reviewed an animal’s body and tried to figure out what other animal part is called BALLS!! The ankle maybe??!

The rest of the table was in total shock!! My dad almost got a heart attack!! I didn’t want to look at my brothers face (who slapped my leg under the table) because I would have laughed so loudly!! I completely ignored his existence!

She did not stop there…

“THEN IT PULLED IT OUT…” tears were coming out of my eyes from containing my laughter….

She continued…

“BABA DID YOU SEE??!!” she asks my dad who is almost running away!!

“Yeah!!” Baba answers in a swallowed voice!!

Mama DOESNT STOP…

“SO I ASKED THE GAME RANGER, WHY THE BALLS!!!”

This is the point my brother leaves the table to go laugh in the kitchen… I wanted to hear the ending… So I stay!!

“BECAUSE THAT IS WHERE ALL THE ENERGY AF A MAN IS!!”

It was at this point that I was fully sure of what she was talking about…

Then the punch line which marked the ending, “I WISH WE CARRIED A CAMERA WITH GOOD ZOOM…DEWANENO MABER NDI”

I left the table to go laugh it out in the kitchen!!

My brother and I laughed ourselves to sleep!!

GLOSSARY:

DEWANENO MABER NDI- look for a luo friend to explain this to you!!!

 

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21 Comments

Posted by on April 11, 2011 in comedy, near death

 

Tags: , , , ,

21 responses to “BALLS!!

  1. magi

    April 11, 2011 at 8:12 pm

    i can only imagine. Woi poor you and Pazzie, yawa!!

     
  2. Akellove

    April 11, 2011 at 8:15 pm

    L. O. L.

     
  3. D.od

    April 12, 2011 at 1:11 am

    ur family reminds me so much of mine, lol.. sans the 5AM devotion time. My mother treasures her sleep more than she does anything else lol
    This is very hilarious, so much for a quite family dinner lol

     
  4. Elsie

    April 12, 2011 at 7:57 am

    Ian..You killed me with this one…

     
  5. Linda

    April 12, 2011 at 8:11 am

    Lol!!! Ian…….eiy!! Atho!!! Ati your mum said whatttt? Hahahaa…..!!!

     
  6. Sheblossoms

    April 12, 2011 at 10:03 am

    Oh God, my ribs hurt!

     
  7. Fred

    April 13, 2011 at 12:40 am

    Thanx 4 sharing. Am laughin myself2 sleep.

     
    • mydeardoris

      April 13, 2011 at 5:08 pm

      Ebu you wake up still laughing….

       
  8. Nigel Mwaura

    April 13, 2011 at 10:08 am

    Lolz! I felt like I was at that dinner table, gosh…good laugh, good post.

     
    • mydeardoris

      April 13, 2011 at 5:07 pm

      haha.. I still cant look at her on the face… I just burst out in laughter!!

       
  9. magaribina

    April 14, 2011 at 2:30 pm

    Hilarious! I keep imagining your dad’s face as she told the story

     
  10. Ketry

    April 15, 2011 at 1:21 pm

    Too funny……….I am imagine how you guys holding the laughter….hehehe and finally busting out later…..haha

     
  11. Michelle

    April 15, 2011 at 3:18 pm

    dude pple think im crazy burstin out laughin in the office!! good one!!

     
  12. Joyce Mutoka (@kipepeomjini)

    August 18, 2011 at 3:34 pm

    Ian…siwezi. Hahahahahaha

     
  13. Ali

    December 1, 2011 at 5:04 pm

    Cant stop laughing iam not taking dinner with ma parents today. they may send me to an asylum.

     
  14. pumba

    August 29, 2013 at 4:12 pm

    i love your letters. my new addiction i read them in class,at work before i sleep you is a talented one…..

     
    • mydeardoris

      October 2, 2013 at 5:47 pm

      Aww thank you Mary. I will dedicate my next one to you.

       
  15. pundi

    February 6, 2014 at 1:16 pm

    You are not nomo!!

     
  16. mnkatha38

    August 29, 2014 at 12:48 am

    Hahaha my mama is a prayer woman too and I would faint if I ever heard her even utter the word… Hahaha

    I can’t stop reading. Hopefully at 1a.m I’ll stop

     

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