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WHERE NOT TO GET A TATTOO

30 Apr

Dear Doris,

My love, you have helped me love again!! My past is bleak and gray but I am glad there is a future… one with you =)

I am getting old and lazy and can’t write letters everyday like I used to… I will not lie that I am trying. I am not trying!!Lying to you this once will only lead to more lies… What I feel for you is not a lie and there is no reason to lie in order to look good!

I woke up in the morning with you in my mind… The birth mark on your left shoulder resplendent. I searched your naked body in my head and longed for your skin against mine… Your birth mark got me thinking about tattoos…

I have two tattoos, depicting two of the most important things in my life… But this letter wasn’t about my tattoos…

So this one time, not too many hours ago I walk into a shop and find some guy tattooing this random chic on her upper arm!! The second I walked in I was sure this man was cutting off her arm…. THE BLOOD THAT WAS NOT BEING SHED!! It was like watching Passion of Christ all over again!!

Let me walk you through this gore sight…

This shop was barely 2 meters squared…. That is the size of two bathrooms at Sarit…

1st MISTAKE – PRIVACY=SHIT!!

Because I know the tattoo artist, he doesn’t complain about me being there… Other guys would come and watch then go away…

2nd MISTAKE – THE TATTOO MACHINE=HOMEMADE

The guy used a jua kali tattoo machine!! He made it by himself!! The materials included a ball pen tube (the thin one on the inside), a syringe, a motor, aluminum wire and a needle!! The thing is so fucking loud!!!Instead of scratching like a normal tattoo machine, it made marks from impaling the skin!! My eyesight is terrible but I could still see the needle go deep into her skin!! I kept on seeing AIDS crawling up her skin!!!

3rd MISTAKE – THE INK=QUINK

The guy was using QUINK!!! WHAT THE SEX!!! If you got an education, (which I am sure you did because you wouldn’t have got this far into this letter) you probably know QUINK!! It is the ink used in fountain pens!!

4th MISTAKE – HYGIENE=ABSENT

The tattoo artist had medical gloves on…. Let me rephrase that… The tattoo artist had a medical GLOVE on! He wore one only on his right hand!! The left hand sat bare… It’s good for spreading disease I hear!! DISASTER… CALAMITY!! SODOM AND GOMORRAH! AIDS! The guy was using tissue paper to wipe off the blood… TISSUE F*CN PAPER! I left the shop, I didn’t want to see if he was going put antiseptic on that tattoo or not!! I was good!!I had seen enough blood shed…

P.S Did you know pain can be measured?? The SI unit for measuring pain is Dol(dolor)… A woman goes through 764 Dols when giving birth…. That is the same amount of pain as breaking 9 bones at the same time!! So put that woman first 😉 Even Jesus didn’t break that many bones… As a matter of fact, he didn’t break a single bone!! Do women go through more pain giving birth than Jesus went through saving the world??

Think about it…

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4 Comments

Posted by on April 30, 2011 in near death, random

 

Tags: , , , ,

4 responses to “WHERE NOT TO GET A TATTOO

  1. Le_Cleric

    May 3, 2011 at 5:06 pm

    Always a great read

     
  2. Frank

    August 8, 2011 at 6:32 am

    Would never believe a review from someone who believes in and references jesus….

     
  3. mydeardoris

    August 8, 2011 at 11:10 am

    Dear Frank,

    You spelt ‘Jesus’ with a small ‘j’, its ok if you do not believe in Him, but ‘Jesus’ is a noun either way.

     
  4. vαllєríє (@_Vallerrie_)

    November 25, 2011 at 1:57 pm

    Well said on the women and pain bit.

     

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