04 May

Dear Doris,


If you went through the 8-4-4 system you have probably come across that phrase!! Let me rephrase that, If you went through the 8-4-4 system you have definitely come across that phrase! It’s the rudest answer to any question!! Look at these examples:

Agnes: Hey Peter, who did I lend my pencil to?

Peter: Your Mother!!

Even if the answer is true, it still sounds rude!! Another example:

Tom: do you know the answer to number 6?

Dick: Your mother!!

There is a silent harshness to ‘MOTHER’ i think that’s why kids look for alternatives like mum, ma, mama, mummy… who calls their mother MOTHER in their face??

Ati “Hi mother, how are you today?”

This was always how fights started…

I remember my first fight like it was yesterday… Ok I am lying! I remember how it started and how I puked right after!!

My best friend Kuku and I were sitting on top of this tree that gave us a clear view of Puchi oiling her feet or changing. Puchi was the girl next door, she was like 10 years older than us!! We liked them older… p.s we were like 0.5 years old! So here we were, waiting for Puchi to walk in her room. Normally Kuku would come for me at my house when Puchi checked into the bathroom… Dont ask me how he knew!!

Puchi walks in… We stop talking!! Green towel…

Things were steaming up… She was combing her hair now!!

I think I got too excited and lost my balance and almost fell off the tree… I yelped, giving our position away!! Puchi drew her curtains and shouted, “I will tell your parents!!”

I had messed up our daily show… Forever. I know I messed up, I know!! Kuku was raging with anger! I didn’t know if it was because his parents were going to be informed about our short trailer or because we didn’t get to watch it to the end!! Then out of nowhere!!

“Your mother bana!!” He shouts!! his exact words were, “Minu bwana!” same thing, just in Italian!

Normally a punch across the face is necessary at this exact moment, but we were on top of a tree. I didn’t want to kill the guy, so I wait until we come down and I give him a straight hook on the nose!! This should have sent him flying across the road. He didn’t even twitch!! That’s when you know you are in  trouble; when you throw your best punch but does absolutely nothing to your opponent!! My mother would have been ashamed of me… I couldn’t event throw a punch that could defend her honor!!

The rest of that fight is a blur… Clearly I was fighting a sasquach! My memory is back-I am puking my ass off at my door. Kuku has a crowd forming around him!! I am here dying and the only person who cares is my little sister who asks in an innocent voice… “Kuku has beaten you?”

I lost my first fight!! I promised myself I would kill him!! I even asked the house-help for the sharpest knife we had… I just needed to mark it incase I had to use it…

Kuku was at my door at 7am the next day…

“Puchi lwokore!” which means Puchi is showering… I don’t know when you will ever learn Italian!!

This boy was good… I thought about pushing him off the tree but Puchi naked was far more important!! Plus it was Sunday, her boyfriend was coming over… these were the best shows, they were way longer **,

If you are wondering, YES, those are their real names!!!


Posted by on May 4, 2011 in near death, women tales


7 responses to “YOUR MUMMY!

  1. Le_Cleric

    May 4, 2011 at 3:12 pm

    Kuku did that to you? Mos bwana, I’m taking Italian classes

  2. Mark

    May 5, 2011 at 12:14 am

    I wonder how Puchi looks like

  3. Mark

    May 5, 2011 at 12:15 am

    I wonder how Puchi looks like.

  4. Abba

    May 5, 2011 at 6:24 am


  5. Joyce

    May 5, 2011 at 1:08 pm

    Be inyalo recognise Puchi saa ni ki nene with clothes on? Dude I so totally love your work. I was telling a friend I want to be adopted by you. She asked me if I was a stray dog, should I have started speaking Italian on her? Keep up the good work, it makes most of us smile.

    • mydeardoris

      May 10, 2011 at 9:14 am

      I cant forget how puchi looks like, I had the biggest crush on her as a child!


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