11 May

Dear Doris,

I was thinking about Little Red Ridding Hood this morning. Not the way you are thinking!! The name is just suspect for a kids book!! LITTLE RED RIDDING HOOD??? REALLY!? I can almost see the stain on your brain! But moving on… All I did was draw on my books and read the pages with pictures, so the story is bleak… I googled the synopsis….


WIKIPEDIA: Little Red Riding Hood, also known as Little Red Cap, is a famous fairy tale about a young girl and a Big Bad Wolf!

I get excited. Its a story about a young girl and A BIG BAD WOLF!?? I was yearning for more…. I read on!

“A wolf wants to eat the girl but is afraid to do so in public!!!” Am I the only one seeing this??! Who wrote this story and why is it for children!?? I read on…

“He approaches Little Red Riding Hood and she naïvely tells him where she is going. He suggests the girl pick some flowers, which she does. In the meantime, he goes to the grandmother’s house and gains entry by pretending to be the girl. He swallows the grandmother whole, and waits for the girl, disguised as the grandmother….” THIS IS GETTING INTERESTING DONT YOU THINK?? We have a rapist here… I read on…

“When the girl arrives, she notices he looks very strange to be her grandmother. Little Red Riding Hood then says, “What big hands you have!” In most retellings, this eventually culminates with Little Red Riding Hood saying, “My, what big teeth you have!”, to which the wolf replies, “The better to eat you with,” and swallows her whole, too.” THIS IS PORNOGRAPHY!! A big bad wolf going around swallowing grand mothers whole and waits to swallow a little girl called….

So I researched on other fairy tales… Most of them are like this! Sending out the wrong messages!!

In Cinderella, the prince invites all the women in town to pick out a wife. Does this remind you of the series Bachelor? Maybe its just me!I know, i know, it’s a cute story about the ill-treated coming out as first! But still!

I did a piece early this year on Snow White and the 7 Dwarfs… All seven were male! they worked in a mine!!!! The book says the mined all day!!! They sang a song, the title “WE DIG DIG DIG” and “HAE HOE”!!

In Sleeping Beauty we see this dead naive lady who is kissed until she comes back to life by a random man!!

In Beauty and the Beast… I mean she’s going out with an animal…. Bestiality!!

Rapunzel is sneaking men into her room using her long hair…. She is a beautiful lady with long lustrous golden hair… What those men do with or to her up that tower, only Rapunzel knows!!

The Emperor’s New Clothes is teaching leaders that it is ok to walk around showing your wee wee…

Don’t even get me started on Puss in Boots!!



Posted by on May 11, 2011 in comedy


Tags: , , ,

8 responses to “WHAT THEY DO NOT TELL YOU

  1. littleknownpoet

    May 11, 2011 at 5:08 pm

    um, ian, it’s just your mind in the gutter….

  2. littleknownpoet

    May 11, 2011 at 5:10 pm

    but your piece is still funny :p

  3. Misanya

    May 12, 2011 at 9:58 am

    What about the Pied Piper? What was he stealing those kids for?

  4. Linda

    May 12, 2011 at 1:19 pm

    Eiy! Ian somo okethi yawa!! ( that’s italian for – reading has spoilt you yawa!!)
    Lakini a very funny piece…..creative

  5. Ed

    May 13, 2011 at 4:01 pm

    Hahaha SMH! You have ruined my much beloved fairy tales for me 😦 Hilarious though 🙂

  6. cocktailofthoughts

    May 18, 2011 at 12:30 am

    next you’ll tell us that Goldilocks was having a gang bang in the woods!

  7. Linn

    January 31, 2012 at 1:19 pm

    now that I think of it… enyewe there’s some sense in it…
    its nice to find someone who knows the same fairy tales I do, many times its just me and I have to tellthe whole story to make the point I wanted…

  8. Mazuri

    April 13, 2012 at 8:31 am

    It is true though that most fairy tales…and nursery rhymes have very bleak and/or twisted origins.


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