29 Jul

Dear Doris,

So I was on TV this morning… Baby I need you to calm down… Yes, I too was excited but you have to relax… Let me finish my story…

I was on TV (KTN UNRISE LIVE) with my boy Jaq, this one @le_Cleric talking about THE BOGOF, some event we do together… But thats not the story… So I was pretty excited, wore my best pair of shoes… One of the many pairs I bought WHEN I WAS IN THE UK… Ok maybe it was the only pair I got… I also wore my lucky boxers… I have had them for 5 years, I have worn them 6 times though… They look newer than the rest of the pack… I SWEAR!

First time I wore them was the morning I went for a job Interview at EABL… I GOT IT…

The second time was when I was going to quit the same job… IT WENT GREAT…

ok, this is a sketch of the chic at KTN (YELLOW YELLOW HEAVY HEAVY)

ok, this is a sketch of the chic at KTN (YELLOW YELLOW HEAVY HEAVY)

The third was when I was asking Adhiambo* out… I had been planning this moment from primary school… SHE SAID YES!!

The fourth time was a random night I broke the door to my aunt’s new car… AS IN IT FELL OFF after ramming

into a pillar… SHE WAS PROUD OF ME FOR TAKING CHARGE ( i was rushing my cousin to hospital) and the fifth was the night I quit drinking… I ran over some guy on Waiyaki way, I was kite high… HE LIVED! and the sixth… well, today! The interview went well! By well I mean the camera chic was YELLOW YELLOW HEAVY HEAVY! Well, I will hold on to this bit until Monday. They are by Nickelodeon (the boxers), bright orange with Scooby Doo’s face at the back…

I am very serious by the way!

Moving on swiftly…

So I have been on TV 3 times… You are looking at me like you have topped that… YOU NEED TO CALM


The first time; I am not sure about this one; was when my dad died and the media was all over the place!! I decided I appeared on TV. I was 9 and I needed this information for school… The appearing on TV part!! No single soul believed me… I DIDNT EVEN HAVE A BICYCLE, THERE WAS NO CHANCE I WOULD HAVE BEEN ON TV… That was their argument! Only Shyrose believed me… My then soulmate… I mean Indian soulmate! But I think she was just trying to keep me… I was a catch. I mean, I am a catch!! A scout!! BOY IN UNIFORM!! hahahaha!! Plus I would have dumped her ass if she, for any reason decided she didnt see me on


Moving on…

The second time was quite tragic… I was caught in the cross-hairs! I had one to town after being warned by my mother not to!! The hawkers all over Nairobi were fighting with the GSU. GSU are not very friendly people… Rubber bullets and tear gas canisters were flying left and right!! SO MY MATATUS FOR GOING BACK HOME WERE ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE STREET (read as, where the GSU guys were).

My brain drifted into overdrive… “i am no hawker, they will not do shit to me!” I thought as I majestically walked


To make this short… A ear gas canister was shot at me!! IT HIT MY BACK LIKE A TONE OF ANYTHING YOU CONSIDER HEAVY!! I ran across town screaming like a girl!!

I made the 7 O’clock news headlines!! This was after lying to my mother that  I was asleep the whole day!!


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3 responses to “UNDERWARE RECORDS

  1. savvykenya

    July 29, 2011 at 6:40 pm

    I’ve been on TV once.. all of 5 seconds! I was commenting on a game Harambee Stars had won against Mozambique!

    Well.. I’ll have to be on TV two more times to compete with you!

    Ha ha.. that yellow yellow heavy heavy sketch!

    • mydeardoris

      August 3, 2011 at 4:57 pm

      hahahha!! Dont worry… you will sometime soon… heading for greatness.

  2. njeri wamarite

    October 11, 2011 at 9:43 am

    haha,also been on tv skunk drunk being interviewed by bernard ndong at 7s, i made sense but it was still a fail when my dad called to ask how many beers id been drinking #epicfail


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