I would love to see you again, but I am a soul-less, will-less automation. I wish I could sneak away to your farm a let you coddle me. You would let me put my feet on the sofa wouldn’t you?
That first paragraph is from a book I am currently reading called ‘The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society’ by Mary and Annie.
How I have missed you my love! The countless hours I spend thinking about what we could have had… The sound of blood crushing against the wall of my breaking heart! Can you hear it?
I have so much to say but so slim a time frame to tell you all about it, so please forgive me if I am switching stories now and then, I have just missed talking to you.
I’ll get to my story…
So the other day, as I was walking from the shopping centre next to my office (i am addicted to Maryland Cookies and I was there to get me a packet), I come across a VW Polo parked dangerously on the curb!! By dangerously, I mean, it was parked at the exact spot that I normally pass… I love routine!
I could taste the rage in my mouth… Then I saw two people in the car!! A heavy (also referred to as padded) yellow woman was behind the wheel… I couldn’t taste the rage anymore!
Let me describe her:
She was round! Not older than 28 and the only ring she wore was a turquoise stone on her right middle finger! Her eyes behind her half-moon turquoise glasses were nothing short of completely seductive 🙂 She was not smiling, but from her cheek structure, I already knew she had a warm smile! Her back seat was full with books, deduction: Educated! Her hair, dark and lustrous; sat on her shoulders with the grace of a virgin gazelle! She was dressed well, showed enough skin to confuse the world…
Next to her, on the co-driver’s seat was a policeman was clearly rooting for a fat bribe!! They are all the same!
Lets call our yellow padded angel Sexy. So Sexy pulls out her purse from her bag and draws out a 1000 bob and hands it to the cop… He doesn’t take it! Sexy clearly wants whatever is going on in that car over because she reaches out for her wallet again!! All this time, I haven’t moved a muscle!
I SAW A SNIPING CHANCE AND I TOOK IT!
I walked to the car, on the passenger side and asked, in utmost modesty, “Why do you do that sir?”
Please be advised that this is probably the most stupid thing to do to get a padded woman’s attention… But this particular pada (padanoun – she who is padded) was worth it!
The cop throws a rude glance at me then steps out of the car!! He must have mistaken himself for Bauer!! He then points at me with that stick they carry around!!! A STICK!!! This man was not serious!!
“Kijana ebu endelea na safari yako!!” he spits!! I can tell he is not very educated from his face!! Theres something education does to your face… gives you a clue of some sort! THIS FOOL LOOKED CLUELESS!
I stand my ground!! Maintain my backbone!
“What you are doing is not right!” I repeat! I was in trouble anyway, I THINK!
So someone told me that if I was in trouble with the cops and I hadn’t done anything wrong, I should bring up their serial number!! I heard it scares them silly! So I did!
“I have seen your serial number and will report this!” I say. Please note that all this time my accent has changed, I am BRI ISH all of a sudden!
“kijana unakuwa mjinga” how uneducated!
I ignore the man and look inside the car, “are you ok?” I ask Sexy, who is now smiling! Had to be one of two reasons… I was either making a complete fool of myself or was doing something right!
“yes.. yes, I am!” she responds in a whisper! Clearly with intentions of not getting into trouble!
I ASSUME THE POSITION OF GREEN LANTERN! LOCAL HERO!
“Kijana nisaidie na ID yako!” Cop asks in utter arrogance!! I have never had an ID!! I have, a number actually, I just keep on losing them!
He had me and he knew it!!
“sina!” arrogance for arrogance!
“niko na miaka kumi na saba!” My BRI ISH accent long gone!
“we nenda!” He says to the woman as he signals her to go!
She ignites the car but doesn’t move, he gear shift is erect at P… This was my cue!
I rush to her window with no plan in mind! For all I know, I was going to say, “don’t talk to strangers” that’s what I always say!
I take out a business card from my wallet and a pen from my jacket!
I jot on the back of my business card…
you look beautiful in turquoise 😉
“don’t talk yo strangers…” I say and hand her the card!!
YOU HAVE TO READ WHAT COMES AFTER THIS… YES THERE IS A FOLLOW UP STORY!