WOMEN IN TURQUOISE (season finale)

29 Nov

Dear Doris,

So splitting the WOMEN IN TURQUOISE story is getting me into so much trouble…

So here is the final bit of the story…

Before I start, please note that I AM BROKE… at least at the time… This is a very crucial factor that you will have to keep in mind as we move!

………. Ok I can’t remember where I left off so I will just start from a random part…

Rita works on Mombasa Road and lives in Loresho. Hold my last statement as irrelevant until later on into this letter.

Its Saturday morning and I have been talking to Rita for about a week. I know so much about her I could probably pick her from a school of naked women blindfolded. Apart from her jet hair and tender and light skin and extremely seductive eyes… I also know she uses Lolita Lempicka by Lolita Lempicka and does not wear nail polish! My mother was going to like this one!

Oh, I didnt know what  Lolita Lempicka was either until i googled it! Please do the same!

I am getting ready for church… Still walking around my room in my boxers looking for my church trousers! A call comes in. My ringtone is ‘Tonight by Enrique Iglesias’ and I never pick up my phone until I hear my best part of the song, which is 5 seconds into the song. Enrique goes like, “You know I want you…. and its obvious that I want you too… now put it on me…” Yeah! Moving on!

Its Rita asking if we could meet up for cake!

Ladies and gentlemen, I have heard of coffee, food, sex, movie, blankets and wine BUT NEVER CAKE! or maybe it was a metaphor?! Read on and see…

“is arté café ok?” she asks in one of the most convincing voices I have heard this year…

“sure! what time?” I revert… “In an hour maybe?!” she says… “excellent!” I say!

My brother is in the bathroom… he showers for an hour!! I needed money! I didn’t have a single cent on me… not even sadaka!

I am doing MURD calculations in my head… I come to a figure, 300/- i have 1000/- in my MPESA and my brother gives me 2,000/- I am ready for Rita… There is a rhyme there= Ready for Rita 😀

You already know from ‘DATES THAT ARE BLIND’ that I like showing up extremely early for first dates…

I am there early and I have gone through the whole cake list… My budget is round and perfect unless she will eat more than 1KG of cake… I have mastered the whole menu in 10 minutes…

She gets there 6 minutes late… Her smile, well, sugar, spice and chaptis! I love chapatis. She is in a teal sundress that hung dangerously just enough for you to glimpse at her knees. She is holding a purple clutch purse and has let her hair down in perfect waves. Her arms are naked… kissing the air around her… her cleavage nothing short of AMAZING! A pair of nice round ones… I was almost in love… She is holding a bundle of keys, a Mercedes logo on one of them brought me back to my senses.

We are seated at the patio… small talk… “you have to try this cake” she says then signals a waitress and orders for something I DIDNT SEE ON THE MENU… But all is well… 3,000/- is a loooottttt…

Ladies and gentlemen what is about to take place, I believe, happened because I skipped church to meet a woman!

My back pocket was uncomfortably empty… I had forgotten my wallet at home… or in the car.. or I DONT KNOW WHERE BUT I DIDNT HAVE IT!

I go deaf… I can only see her mouth moving… I am confused! I needed a solution!

She holds my hand and calls out my name with utmost grace… “Ian? are you ok?” she asks..

I come back to my senses… her hand still on mine… It brought an uncomfortable comfort!

“yeah… i am..” i answer…

The bill comes…. 940/= It hits me that I have MPESA. NOW HOW TO RUN TO AN MPESA, WITHDRAW, THEN COME PAY was the question… I was sweating! I pretend to be reaching for my wallet…

“Don’t!” she says in a smile’ “I got this one” she continues. I try to talk her off it knowing very well I am digging my own grave… She is persistent, I give up! She pays and I am walking her to her car…

She insists on holding my hand… i dont complain! A yellow woman like this one holding your hand in public raises street cred…

“its my mums!” she says after noticing the shock on my face when I saw  the car she came in… A CLS!

“what do you have planned for the day?” she asks…. I am still going through the 3rd stage of shock (DEAFNESS).

“ahh! Nothing…. Maybe go home and watch movies” I fumble!

“I have an idea… come over to mines. We can watch movies!” YOU ALL KNOW I COULDNT HAVE SAID NO!

That ride from Westgate to Loresho was the most comfortable ride I have heard in my life! And just so you know, Lolita Lempicka SMELLS GREAT!

The rest is blur…


Posted by on November 29, 2011 in big beautiful women, love, sex, women tales


Tags: , , , , ,

11 responses to “WOMEN IN TURQUOISE (season finale)

  1. jnttnemo

    November 29, 2011 at 2:46 pm

    FINALLY!!!! WA!!! I dont think av EVER waited for the rest of a story like this bana!!! i was on the verge of stalking your blog. absolutely LOVING this story btw!!

  2. savvy

    November 29, 2011 at 4:12 pm

    Btw when I googled Lolita Lempicka (i guessed it’s perfume), the Strathmore proxy blocked it on the basis of ‘pornography!’

    OOhhh so how did the story end? Did you make sweet love to her?

  3. D.od

    November 29, 2011 at 11:47 pm

    finish the story!!!! lol, and yes, lolita lempicka is a beautiful fragrance Ian, that one is a keeper!

  4. Embracing weightloss

    November 30, 2011 at 9:42 am

    Ok Ian – for someone who writes so great – gotta ask why you keep it so short? i feel ripped off – maybe i was expecting more . Just after i start reading a story – just after it gets really interesting , you go on and kill it. -Like what cake did you eat ? how does their house look? how did you feel being driven in that serious ride- like did you roll the windows and let everyone see you . or were you just captivated by her beauty? Maybe ill go and check through your whole blog am sure theres somewhere you have stated your stories will be no more than 50 words – Or since am bright , ill conclude its your style- leave me hanging on threads ! Will read ya al the time though!!!

  5. dallahz

    November 30, 2011 at 1:21 pm

    my day is officially good…but si I waited hahaha wait you left your car and rode in hers? Lolita Lempicka just googled…its what I want for christmas!

  6. Pushkim

    November 30, 2011 at 4:47 pm

    finally, you scored!

  7. 3dcartoons

    December 1, 2011 at 4:10 pm

    This is sooo gud. Nice ……………..

  8. mmnjug

    December 7, 2011 at 9:02 am

    This is a con!! For real………….!! What happened after that? smh!

  9. Vaughn Demming

    December 8, 2011 at 8:35 am

    Awesome post! I will keep an on eye on your blog.

  10. tkimani

    April 9, 2012 at 11:02 pm

    Your stuff is very entertaining bana. Sasa tell us what happened during/after the blur 🙂

  11. simon

    September 24, 2014 at 7:12 pm

    do you know how long i have sat in a matatu reading this and it leavs me out there when i see you you are going to return my fare that is they even went with me past my stage and i was there looking for parg fouf


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