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PIE R SQUARED

06 Dec

Dear Doris,

So i was not meant to write to you today… So I will try making this short!

So on my way to work today I happened to see the cover of this month’s Ebony Mag. The cover has Jennifer Hudson…

Before I go any further, please be advised that i like my women big… Do not get me wrong though, when I say BIG I do not mean Precious (Gabourey Sidibe) BIG… You know what, maybe I am using the wrong words… I like my women PADDED… If you go waaaayyyy back into my archives, you will notice that I used Jennifer Hudson as an example of my kind of woman… She has since then lost enough weight to lose that title… She has lost weight but her head has remained the same size… BIG! she looks like she is going to topple over! Ok I will stop hating…

Now that we are on this interesting topic (BIG HEADS) why don’t we dig in a little deeper…

We have all had that one friend with a humongous head haven’t we… That annoying one who the only ammunition you had against him/her was the size of that head…

Well… I had one, or two… THEIR STORIES:

Oscar Onyango:

HAHA! We were in the same primary school (lower primary) and lived in the same hood…

DISCLAIMER: Please allow me to use Kichwa instead of head… I am feeling very uncomfortably talking about my friends’ big heads :/ If you know what I am talking about!

Yeah… Oscar had a kichwa so big he kept on falling! I SWEAR! You remember the kid who fell from the tree and fractured his skull like 3 letters back? THAT WAS OSCAR!!! Theres also another time we used to jump on moving trucks (kudandi)… He lost his balance and plummeted on the bare tarmac hitting his kichwa on the hard surface.. I think he got stitches!

The cool thing about Oscar’s kichwa was its was the laboratory for trouble… You couldn’t sit with the boy one minute without finding yourself in trouble… Even doing your homework together got you into shit coz you are probably doing the wrong assignment! All his ideas were terrible but fun… There is this one time, our house boy was having sex with their house girl at my house (i cant remember where my parents were). Oscar and I inflated a few balloons and let them loose in the room they were in… you know when you blow up a balloon and let it fly all over the place… We scared the couple so bad our house boy ran around the house naked… We were almost killed!

Oscars mother was my class 2 English teacher and was convinced it was me who was messing up her son…

THE OTHER ONE…

Edu:

My friend from high school… I feel like this particular case will get me into trouble… But I HAVE NEVER BEEN KNOW TO LIE TO MY DORIS… Edu if you are reading this… Be cool man!

We use to call him MA WIYE WIYE… which means MA HEAD HEAD or Pie r squared or Head boy! He was the richest kid in school in my time… His ‘BOX’ was 4 times the normal ones… He has tones of cantoned milk and a lot of money and cellotape and a pair of scissors and numerous biro pens. He had everything… A lot of everything! oh and a phone! He was those people you had to be friends with AND HE KNEW IT! You know those annoying friend who ask you for impossible favors then when you say ‘no’ they go like ‘SAWA!’ coz THEY KNOW YOU WILL BE RUNNING TO THEM!? That was Edwin… Far a very long time I had no ammunition against him whatsoever… until his sister fell in love with me… Then I was Superman!

Edwin is the one on your extreme right... Something tells me you would have guessed right anyway...

Edwin is the one on your extreme right... Something tells me you would have guessed right anyway... Look at his really cool watch! I am the even cooler one in a red t-shirt! this picture was taken at the nationals drama festivals 2006... HAHA! Memories...

It was had to keep Edu as a friend… He would make you his slave… He would send you to the canteen and send you to get him water and random shit… But you would sure eat your sweat!! When he sends you to the canteen, he is probably buying you something too… and the water was  for juice… HAHAH! My Lord! He didn’t have many friends though… People walked out on him after a while… then others replaced them!

Now that I have said all this, do you think there is a need to leave out this detail: he allegedly had the KCSE leak… All rich kids do…

Now I am in trouble for sure!

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17 Comments

Posted by on December 6, 2011 in barding tales, big beautiful women, comedy

 

Tags: , ,

17 responses to “PIE R SQUARED

  1. Black and White Lipstick

    December 6, 2011 at 12:46 pm

    HAHAHA great read, got me thinking I know heaps of people with larger than normal heads. They remind me of the bobble dogs on a car dashboard 🙂 Thanks for sharing with Dear Doris, it made me smile.

     
  2. Rachel

    December 6, 2011 at 1:18 pm

    Funny… nice read.

     
  3. Jennifer Hudson

    December 6, 2011 at 2:41 pm

    Warrrr you the best. I love your blog

     
  4. savvy

    December 6, 2011 at 3:34 pm

    I saw the Pie R sqaured guy right away…he’s the only one with a watch in the pic!

     
  5. dallahz

    December 6, 2011 at 3:50 pm

    Have I seen Jennifer Hudson…lol funny read!

     
  6. Abba (@Abbakidenda)

    December 6, 2011 at 6:15 pm

    haaahahaa dead!

     
  7. shutup

    December 6, 2011 at 6:24 pm

    Jennifer Hudson is beautiful. Someone like you would never even have a chance to even take her out. So your opinion means nothing.

     
    • mydeardoris

      December 8, 2011 at 12:01 pm

      hahaha! Calm DOWN! i didnt want to take her anywhere! you have your opinion I have mine…

       
  8. kisslawsam (@kisslawsam)

    December 7, 2011 at 8:26 am

    HEAD, got me thinking of something else. But then I saw a BIG HEAD.

     
  9. mmnjug

    December 7, 2011 at 9:53 am

    Hahahahaha!!! It’s best you switched to kichwa…… not that our thought are convoluted or anything……………!!!

     
  10. Elektrische Zahnbuerste

    December 8, 2011 at 10:04 am

    Woh I like your posts , saved to fav! .

     
  11. Emmanuel melly

    December 10, 2011 at 11:26 pm

    Perhaps you are amazing. I’ve enjoyed your stuff especially how you switch your subject still sustaining my curiosity. Keep up the good job.

     
  12. Career ideas

    December 11, 2011 at 5:00 am

    great points altogether, you just gained a new reader. What would you suggest in regards to your post that you made some days ago? Any positive?

     
  13. Nyarmama

    December 16, 2011 at 9:03 pm

    Omera..Edu was my ex….hahaha this is cracking me the f*** up! Wiye Wiye adier

     
  14. dave

    July 24, 2012 at 10:15 am

    ma wiye wiye “edwin mwalo” hehehe small world

     

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