So here is how its going to work… Your sister told me you have been ignoring my calls because I didn’t wish you a Merry Christmas and a happy new year… BABY THAT IS SO IMMATURE (pun intended)!!! I am always thinking about you… I just dont want to be like the rest…
Anyway, how are you doing? How is 2012? I hope I will get to see this year!
I will not tell you how my holiday was because i cant remember most of it… I was not drunk passe… I would like to call it, intoxicated, like that it doesnt sound like it was my fault!! Whist on this paragraph about intoxication… Let me share some knowledge with you!! I am going to teach you how to make the best drink ever!! If you are below 18, please go drink some yoghurt or something… Hii ni ya wazee!!
Its a bit of a process to make this drink… Brace yourself! You will need Zappa Blue and Gorgon’s gin.
I want you to make ice using the zappa blue… Just pour it into the ice cube tray and let it solidify!!
Get a whisky glass nd fill half of it with your gin…
Then drop in the ‘blue ice’ !!! It looks extremely sexy at this point!!! Please be advised you can sop at this point and drink your ‘poison’ (which tastes soooo good) or you can go t the next stage….
squeeze some lemons into your drink… not so much though… maybe 3 or 4 lemons!!! IT TASTE LIKE HEAVEN!!!
I call it BLUE DEMON… I had a glass of it and woke up seated in the swimming pool stairs with only my head out of the water!!! So, do not take this drink near a swimming pool… IT WILL SHOW YOU WAYS OF DROWNING!!!! That aside!!
So, the other day some guy calls my brother, this was the conversation:
“Haki Tony nakupenda!” he says (my brother is not tony)
“Ai!! Wrong number!!!!” my brother answers shocked!!
“Haki Tony una voice smart!!!” he adds before my brother hangs up!
Then he sends a text…
“Tony nataka kuku****nya m***ro”
My brother is now in absolute shock!!! He asks me to MPESA the guy so we can know who he is and report the bastard!
I MPESA him 100 bob… but the number is not registered!!! The whole process was pointless… so i text him to mpesa me back my 100 bob!!
This man was clearly ahead of us… he now had my name and number!!
He calls me!!
“HUYU NI NAI!!!” he sparks!!
“Ian…” I say in all honesty!!! “Nimetumwa na Tony!” I add, just to have some fun!!!
“Kweli?” he asks.. his voice sedate! “Haki una voice poa!!” he adds!!
i am laughing my ass off at this point!!! My brother asks me to ask him who he is… I ask!
“Ni Ken!” he answers… falling for the bait!! or maybe he was lying!!
“Ken who?” I ask…
“Si ni Ken Walimanga!” He says like I am supposed to be knowing who he is!!
p.s do you find it funny that he is called WaliMANGA?? HAHAHA!
“Haki the things I want to do t you…” He says!! HAHAHAHAH!!!
This man was clearly unwell…
“nikikutumi hio soo tunaweza meet?” he asks in utter idiocy! I needed my 100 bob so I go like, “Of course!!”
“Haiya sawa, nipe five minutes!!”
He hasnt sent it to date!!! But keeps on texting me…
Here is his number 0714 513 407. Anyone out there who can track numbers?? This one belongs in a pound!