21 Feb

Dear Doris,

I have so many stories to tell you. My brains overflow with juicy tales. I know I havent written in a while. I have no excuse whatsoever. I guess I am tired of lying to myself we are still in love. I know you texted me last week saying you ‘luved’ me! I am sorry but my love, what the f* is ‘I luv you’ supposed to mean!? So i googled ‘luv’ and this is what I got: luv But lets not dwell on the past…

Before I go further into this, allow me to dedicate this to a fan I met last Saturday at the club. I am sorry I was a tad intoxicated when you told me your name and I can’t remember. All I know is you are beautiful and this one  is for you. @kwasijon do not say a word!

Lets get a bit serious. This story is extremely scary.

I am seated in a matatu. On the makangas seat, you know the one closest to the door? This matatu is by far the oldest one I have been on. The only unbroken window was the wind shield. The rest were either missing windows or had a polythene bag. But this is not the point!

We are stuck on traffic at Globe roundabout! Theres hooting and cussing. I was asleep until this particular point! Please note that I am always asleep in matatus… ALWAYS!

This is the point where I notice this woman on my right… No that statement is wrong… This is where I notice her shoes! She had black patent leather heels… Nothing below 4 inches… The kind of heels you don’t buy when you know you don’t have a car! She had excellent legs though and her short plaid dress was working… She had my attention… I could barely hear the hooting… I noticed she was texting using her left hand. This looked a bit weird but her face cancels out the weirdness. She was beautiful. Nothing below 60 watts i.e. YELLOW! I hope you are now familiar with the situation I am in. I have just woken up to random hooting and cussing and this beautiful woman is seated next to me… It is a bit confusing!

Just as I was getting used to my surroundings a hand darted through my window with the speed of a Kamau  and grabbed the woman’s phone. Caught me off-guard! Scared me half to death. I randomly throw my hands in the air and hit the phone out of his hand, falling on my lap. The man disappears in a fraction of a second!

Let me explain: I AM VERY EASY TO SCARE!

My heart is beating so fast i am almost shitting my pants. I am actually holding my chest! Trying to catch my breath. The woman picks the phone from my lap. “Asante sana… Haki thenx” Please be advised that she pronounced her words exactly how I have written them… Also note that all this time I didn’t look at this woman, not once!

Just when I was recovering, I look at this woman’s face… At that particular point, if I was on life support machines… a straight line would have come up followed by a beep that doesn’t stop….

Let me explain! This woman had half her face burnt out! The right side of her face was completely destroyed. I am not sure if you are seeing what I want you to see… I was recovering from first degree shock only to hit me with another one…

I let out a yelp when i saw her face… AND IT DOESNT END THERE… SHE WAS MISSING HER RIGHT HAND! Ok maybe not missing passé but her elbow downwards was missing! My heart was racing so fast. I was so confused.

“you are welcome.” I said and got off the matatu.


Posted by on February 21, 2012 in Uncategorized



  1. savvykenya

    February 21, 2012 at 4:12 pm

    Reality is a matter of perspective. Or what do they say?!

  2. Njeri Wamarite

    February 21, 2012 at 4:14 pm

    i think u need to start using the scooter,seriously…

    • mydeardoris

      February 21, 2012 at 4:32 pm

      scooter iko garage… ikitoka… ntawacha hii mateso 😀

  3. CiruKayanda

    February 21, 2012 at 4:26 pm

    sleeping? I thought you always read people’s texts in matatus? Haha..

    • mydeardoris

      February 21, 2012 at 4:32 pm

      hahaha! True! But its not all the time that people text!

  4. Anita Kapten (@anitakapten)

    February 21, 2012 at 5:58 pm

    Thenx ! hahaha

  5. D.od

    February 22, 2012 at 3:48 am

    Where dyu find these mats seriously Ian?? That’s the 2nd time you’ve come in between a theft, lol.. Im sure hawa wezi wamekumark down, lol… but HAKI THENX.. yet another post that’s made me laugh hysterically by myself.
    P.S( our Nimbuzz phone call is WAY OVERDUE! do something abt it:))

  6. shirogaitho

    February 24, 2012 at 12:49 pm

    is it me or do the strangest things happen to you on the regular?! Si your life is dramatic, gosh!

  7. KwasiJon

    February 26, 2012 at 6:57 pm

    The fan says hi, and thenx…

  8. Shenzi_type (@shenzi_type)

    June 20, 2012 at 12:53 pm



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