12 Mar

Dear Doris,

My Swahili is terrible! So my title simply means ‘Holy Slut’! If this is not what it means then I apologize! I have been away for a while now and my medulla is boiling with stories! I am not even sure where to start! I promise from now on i will try to write everyday like i used to 2 years ago! Lets not waste any time now!

Its Monday today! Just keep that little fact in mind! that’s all I am asking! I know it can become a bit difficult for a few of you when it comes to exercising the brain… Moving on!

I was at the bank on Friday! KCB Sarit to be exact! I had taken a friend! Yes I had that much free time and I was utterly bored at the office! But this is not the point! So I am comfortably seated on the seat in the banking hall waiting for my friend to finish! Theres absolutely nothing to do with your ‘free’ time in a bank! In a few minutes i had gone through all their brochures and boring magazines… Wait…. Their wasnt a single magazine! Some lady came to me twice to ask if ‘i had been assisted!’ Sounds like a brothel huh? ATI ASSISTED!!! SI TWENDE KWANGU UNI-ASSIST BASI MADAM! But this is not the point either!

I had been seated here for almost an hour now and was dozing off!  Then this tall woman walks in… YES IT IS ALWAYS ABOUT A WOMAN!

She is extremely dark… as in shes almost blue! You have probably already deduced that I wasnt interested! I don’t go for anything below 60 watts! It’s not her complexion that got me and the entire banking hall… ITS WHAT SHE WAS WEARING! OR SHOULD I SAY WHAT SHE WAS NOT WEARING!

Her heels were the height of a new pencil!

She was in a red blouse that was SOOO SEE THROUGH I could count the number of polka dots she had on her bra! AND I AM BLIND! I am not complaining! She was wearing those shorts women wear these days… with the high waist! Do you know them?

Her shorts were SHORT! As in they were so tiny you could glimpse at the foot of her ass! As in you could see that fold separating thigh from ass… I know you know this fold!

She was carrying a huge bag… You know the ones for ‘I will not be home till Thursday!’

it was something close to this.... just 10 times smaller!

The banking hall came to a halt! The money counting machines that are always rattling went quiet! The ringing phones… QUIET! As in for a fraction of a minute, she had the whole bank by its balls!

I was wide awake now…

She made her way swinging her ass to the ‘cheque deposit’ queue and posed… Yes… She posed at the end of the queue like a photographer was in the house! I was busy taking pictures with my bare eyes!

She had the X factor… You know those women who are completely not your type but there is an un-explainable force that just draws you to them? I call that THE X FACTOR!

The bank is back on its feet but every man in that hall is trying to steal a glimpse at this tall dark almost naked woman! Even the old men had their tongues out!


OUR model’s phone rings!!!! HAHA! and her ring tone, “AKISEMA ATAKUBARIKI, HAKUNA ATAKAY ZUIA, KWANI YEYE NDIYE MUNGU something something  something!”

The phone couldn’t stop ringing and she couldn’t find it in her huge bag… She gave up on finding it and posed and let it ring… I laughed so loudly the guard asked me to leave the bank!!!



Posted by on March 12, 2012 in comedy, sex, women tales


Tags: , , , , , , ,

15 responses to “MALAYA MWEMA!

  1. Njeri Wamarite

    March 12, 2012 at 12:51 pm

    hahaha,lol…i see u started with the “guards” quite early in the night…

  2. Elsie

    March 12, 2012 at 12:52 pm


  3. natb

    March 12, 2012 at 1:15 pm

    ….I don’t go for anything below 60 watts!….. You a crazy guy

  4. savvykenya

    March 12, 2012 at 1:36 pm

    ha ha.. you didn’t take a picture? Don’t you have a camera phone?

  5. optimusthe1

    March 12, 2012 at 1:46 pm

    HA!! the imagery!

  6. Daniel Ongera Nyairo

    March 12, 2012 at 4:29 pm

    You were relieved when her phone rang,I can tell;she was not anything special after all

  7. mmnjug

    March 12, 2012 at 4:33 pm

    Hahahahahaha!! You should have had that pic!!

  8. Sewe Saldanha (@ClanSewe)

    March 12, 2012 at 4:41 pm

    Mbona hukupiga hiyo picha kaka’ke? Ingekuwa bora ikiwa hiyo picha ingekuwa!

  9. BehindMyStunnas

    March 12, 2012 at 5:22 pm

    …hahahahaha. Good to have you back and this is some piece. Woi!!! how I wish I was there when her phone started ringing, lakini MALAYA MWEMA????? seriously???…

  10. D.od

    March 12, 2012 at 8:06 pm

    u really should hav taken a pic, lol

  11. Lee

    March 12, 2012 at 8:52 pm

    Mmmh….still waiting for the part where she solicits. Till then,huyo si malaya.

  12. sallinjo

    March 13, 2012 at 8:33 am

    Ian Man you had me in stitches for a whole five minutes and where is your cameraphone yawa?!very good

  13. kui

    March 15, 2012 at 4:32 pm

    U rock!

  14. Chirry

    March 28, 2012 at 1:37 pm

    too hilarious… still in stitches 🙂

  15. Mazuri

    April 12, 2012 at 8:22 am

    mtakatifu=holy as in roho mtakatifu = holy spirit


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