13 Mar

Dear Doris,

I promised I would be writing everyday plus this story is way overdue!  It is not my fault that I had a crazy weekend!

Please do not be misled by my title… In all honesty, that phrase made the weekend what it was! Let me explain!

We all like to fight… ok maybe not! I like to fight when i am sure i will over power my enemy completely!! If you look stronger than me… I WILL WALK AWAY APOLOGIZING! That is the discipline! Call me a coward… I AGREE WITH YOU ENTIRELY BODY AND SOUL!

I only fight under the following circumstances:

1. If I am with more than 10 of my friends who I know will have my back! and

2. If my enemy is in a comma and is not able to fight back…

My people (who are more than 10) and I are always at Brew Bistro every Friday evening! We are a big crowd! We sit at the same spot every time! If you frequent the place, you probably know us by now! At the balcony, we are always seated on your far right! It is safe to say, we are the noisiest! But stay with me, we are about to out-do ourselves!

We were leaving Brew Bistro at about midnight last Friday!

On our way down the stairs we meet some two random girls who were coming up… @ongaloK runs his fingers through one girl’s hair and it blows up! The girls at the top of their voices are throwing insults and calling us names… We are like 20 people, and we are all drunk! THE TWO BISHEZ DIDNT STAND A CHANCE! (please be advised that i dont call women bishez but it seemed appropriate at this point! I promise never to use it again!)

Below are the faces of a few criminals 😀

There is violent exchange of words between us and the two! @wamar , one of our mad friends puts her bag on the floor and is ready for a fight! She was almost folding the sleeves of her sleeveless blouse! The bouncers ask us to leave the two women alone and leave the building!

Let me explain something, we are VIPs here (na si kuringa) and are treated as such even when we are on the wrong! There was one time @mikemaltie , another friend, threatened to depot the Italian manager!


We get to our cars and @mikemaltie new cars has been scratched! The car is hours old… Please note that its DRAMA from here onwards!

A random watchman comes and says he knows who did it… and he gets him!

A minute man walks towards us like he owns the place! He is nothing above 5 feet… He is dark and drunk! He is West African! He is not intelligent!

“So what do we do now?” @mikemaltie

“forgive me!” the fool replies with no remorse whatsoever!

@mikemaltie is getting pissed… A crowd is forming around us… Please note that this crowd is made up of our friends… In short, we surrounded the man!

“if it is fighting, I can beat all of you…” The midget spits! In my opinion, I would have suggested the first blow to land on him at this point… I dont undesrtand the delay till now!

“You are all stupid!” the man adds! This midget had the balls of the devil! The man had pushed his luck a bit too far…

@viconthemic threw the first blow that got him right across his face… ALL HELL BROKE LOOSE! Everyone wanted a piece… No one likes to be called stupid… I dont fight… but since I was stupid… I threw a kick that got the poor midget on his arm pit… he proceeded to run away with my shoe!

I am blind and didnt have my glasses so i was throwing punches blindly until I noticed I was beating up @mikemaltie instead of the midget!

One of our people kept on saying, “akel mach koso?” (should I bring my gun?)

The short man ran inside Brew and got lost! His car was parked next to ours… We deflated his tires… We are terrible citizens!

About 15 minutes later a man comes to us to apologize for scratching the car… HE WAS NOT THE ONE WE BEAT UP! The ‘patient’ was a passenger!

The midget also came out at some point and could not stop puking…

We left the place and headed to Quins…

In the 1st 10 minutes another fight had started… This time @ongaloK was fighting 3 bouncers! He was quickly joined by @viconthemic I was not going to contribute to this one… THATS HOW PEOPLE DIE!!! then i had what it was about…. Apparently @mamima22 ,  my small sister wad been harassed by one of them… I GOT IN 10 FOLD!

“we are going to close down this establishment!!!! Tomorrow we are coming here with lawyers! we have already closed down 3 clubs in the past because of this stupidity!” was @ongalok last remark!!


Posted by on March 13, 2012 in comedy, near death, women tales


Tags: ,

15 responses to ““YOU ARE ALL STUPID”

  1. @queengathoni

    March 13, 2012 at 2:43 pm

    Hahahaha hooligans wenyeewe…Btw today you did not even say hi to Doris, looks like you guys are totally done and you have forgotten her…

  2. mydeardoris

    March 13, 2012 at 2:48 pm

    My next letter will be all about love!!! haha!

  3. Elsie

    March 13, 2012 at 2:54 pm

    I like!

  4. proboxsucceed

    March 13, 2012 at 4:32 pm

    Hehehe. Had you carried stones in your pockets? Hooligans indeed.

  5. mmnjug

    March 13, 2012 at 4:53 pm

    Thugs or what now? Lol!!

  6. natb

    March 13, 2012 at 4:55 pm

    I could have helped you beat up that guy just because he is nigerian…I hate those guys. Having said that, i need prayers…i hate nigerians for no credible reason.

    • optimusthe1

      March 14, 2012 at 6:35 pm

      I don’t think you need a reason 🙂

    • vαllєríє (@_Vallerrie_)

      March 15, 2012 at 10:18 am

      Funny. I happen to HATE Ugandans, especially male Ugandans.

  7. Mogulle

    March 13, 2012 at 9:54 pm

    Nyc 2 hear frm u so soon!i had misd the letters.

  8. Joy

    March 13, 2012 at 11:38 pm

    Haha..the night that ws.glad u preserved it in a blog as i still discuss it in hushed tones.hope @mamima22 is fine 🙂

    • mydeardoris

      March 14, 2012 at 12:11 am

      read the next one also…. shes eazzzyyyy!

  9. Linda

    March 14, 2012 at 8:06 am

    Hahaa…..!! Can’t stop laughing…ati ” Akel mach koso?” lol!!

  10. KwasiJon

    March 14, 2012 at 10:47 am

    Say no to violence….

  11. Anita Kapten (@anitakapten)

    March 15, 2012 at 8:19 am

    hahaha like ! but you people need to stop fighting!

  12. Magi

    March 19, 2012 at 12:03 pm

    Umm which three clubs have we shut down before?
    Deflating the tyres is genious. Maltie got a moti? miss you )


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