10 Apr

Dear Doris,

My Love,  this is the first letter I am writing you on an iPad. It’s amusing. You probably know bout it and I am making a fool out of myself but still…

I am in a place called Sakwa as I write this… I went for funeral. That’s how I am spending my Easter this year… In mourning… Even though I have no clue who passed but like the saying goes “if you got enemies…. Your son got enemies… And thats uptown energy” well that’s alleged saying is absolutely irrelevant but what I was trying to say is the guy who passed was my father’s friend and any friend of my father’s is mine. And I am going for another one tomorrow unless I wake up with an excruciating tooth ache which I will.

Enough about depressing holidays and funerals.

You remember I didn’t finish my last post because I had to go to Brew Bistro?

I think Brew Bistro would be a good place to start… Or at least ‘after Brew’

This is how it goes down:

I am dropped at the house at about 5am. It had totally slipped my mind that we were going to shagz that morninG.I had just changed into my PJs when I heard my dads voice…

“my Iano… My Pasta put your things in the cars!”

Before I go on let me explain what happened at Brew. We had 3 bottles of jack Daniels among other intoxicants…. You can’t possibly require me to put things in the car immediate I get home from that…In fact what things was he talking about? I hadn’t packed… I hadn’t showered… I hadn’t brushed my teeth… I hadn’t even taken Mara moja! And I couldn’t find anything… Thin is, we have a new house help who has a new way of arranging things… My boxers are now where my shirts used to be and my ties are where my t shirts used to be and I can’t find my trench coats! Moving on…

The electricity was out and there was no way in 1000 hells that i was going to shower with cold water! NO WAY IN HELLLLLLLLLLLL….

I got into a fresh pair of shorts and tshirt and my boat shoes, brushed my teeth, packed everything on my sight and we were on our way to shagz!

P.s it’s about midnight now. Driving home from the second funeral today.


The dotted line is there because everything I wrote before it was written on Friday…. Its Tuesday today!

I have so much weight on my heart right now! I have had it since yesterday and it gets even heavier at the thought that I dont know what it is that troubles me! At first I thought it was because I couldn’t find one of my phones… But I found it but the wrinkles still conjure my face!

Then I thought it was the thought of going back to work after a long weekend – but that cannot be it because I love my job…. I am doing what I love!

But here is the funny thing, I know what it is but I don’t want it to be that one because I cannot fix it so I lie to myself it is something else.

Whatever it is, its seriously weighing me down!!


This dotted line is just to keep my emotions aside! Its business now!

I have so much to say that I think I will have to postpone THE GIRL CHILD again! I am sorry!

I went for three funerals this Easter! Yeah I know! But it was an experience…. If you drive in shagz a lot, you notice things!

So my brother was driving from one of the funerals, I was seated short-gun and my dad was sitting back left! It was late, about 10:30pm! It was dark! My dads asks my brother to pull up so we could wait for my aunt who was behind us in a different car!

My brother pulls up… Out of nowhere, a piki piki boda boda speeds past us and comes to a sudden halt just in front of us! It was carrying a random woman who jumped out and squatted facing our car! She pushed her underwear on the side and just started pissing! RIGHT THERE – AND THE HEADLIGHTS WERE ON!

“Oh My Jesus!” My dad said!

This woman was smiling at us as she pissed away! In my defense, I didn’t have my glasses on so I didn’t see any vitals! My brother on the other hand took his time to switch off his head lights…. But i will not judge!

I am really sorry Doris but I am feeling a bit low today, but I had to write anyways! You are that special sweetheart!

I love you Doris.








Posted by on April 10, 2012 in matatu tales, near death



13 responses to “THE GIRL CHILD (side B)

  1. nyagz

    April 10, 2012 at 9:44 am

    You always make my day Ian.

  2. nyagz

    April 10, 2012 at 9:50 am

    You always put a smile on my face Ian. ILY!

  3. sallinjo

    April 10, 2012 at 10:51 am

    Camman and here i was dying for a good story…i hope you feel better soon#

  4. jacquew

    April 10, 2012 at 11:00 am

    LOL ….nice read!…sorry for your heavy heart 🙂

    • mydeardoris

      April 10, 2012 at 11:05 am

      Thank you… As for my heart, I will live 🙂

  5. ViValdi

    April 10, 2012 at 11:35 am

    Too funny! I’ve read my share of blogs and this is the only one I have eva subscribd to!
    Refreshingly funny content!

  6. mmnjug

    April 10, 2012 at 11:42 am

    You defintely didn’t see anything…………….you had no glasses yet you ‘saw’ her vitals facing you………… Let me just stop hypothesizing this digression of yours……………!!

  7. viru5detected

    April 10, 2012 at 12:01 pm

    I sear to God officer I did not see a damn thing

  8. sariye

    April 10, 2012 at 1:17 pm

    cnt stop smiling………. u jst made my day Ian…..luv ur blog am anxious for the Girl child story dnt kip me waiting plz…

    • mydeardoris

      April 10, 2012 at 1:43 pm

      tomorrow you will get your story. Thank you and glad I am making you smilee. Keep reading.

  9. Magi

    April 11, 2012 at 9:39 am

    pasta switched off the head lights? eishhhh

  10. Judy

    April 11, 2012 at 12:24 pm

    Thin is, we have a new house help who has a new way of arranging things… My boxers are now where my shirts used to be and my ties are where my t shirts used to be and I can’t find my trench coats! Moving on…



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