11 Apr

My love,

How are you doing today Sweetheart! There is nothing more painful than the loss of a loved one… I feel like I am losing you and the thought crushes me! I am doing my best trying to keep this relationship together as you sit back and watch it crumble without raising a finger! I treasure us more than i treasure my own life! I have told you this before but clearly you are not taking it with the seriousness Id like you to take it with….


Its lunch time! Give me a minute I rush to Sarit to get a MEGA SUPER SCRUMPTIOULICIOUS SANDWICH!


I am back!

If I remember correctly, I left of at the making out scene right?

I need you to switch of your music! I didn’t say lower your volume… SWITCH IT OFF! Yes!


SO we get to Chiromo and these two human beings are sucking the hell out of each others faces! The matatu stopped here for a while because the makanga had to fit in a huge sack in the boot!

But I think he spent most of his time ogling at the two that he forgot his job! Because the sack didn’t even fit at the end of it all!

Two people making out is fine… But this guy had his hands under the woman’s dress… YES DRESS! Her  ass down to her toes was food to mine and everyone elses eye… Except I couldn’t see shit! I am blind! Ok maybe the white underwear… Her thighs were pretty dark! Moving on!

Her dress was pulled up till her bra… The guy paid no attention to all the ATTENTION he had attracted! His hands were all over the woman… 4 more minutes of what they were doing and they would have had sex right there and then!! One of this woman’s leg is raised a little bit – as in it was a sex scene! The flickering street light above them didn’t matter to them!

We were there for like 3 minutes tops! What I was seeing was cut right out of a porn movie!

It got to a point the man grabs the woman’s diab! He slides his hand into her undies and from where i was sitting – it was clear! Grab -> Squeeze -> almost yanking it out!

He is eating the woman up… Her neck is being bitten off… Her head keeps on falling back in fast, dangerous jolts… Like she was possessed! Oh, and she is almost tearing the man’s shirt… I dont think it costed much; the shirt; because he let her tag on it… YOU CANNOT DO THAT TO THE SHIRTS I WEAR!!! I WILL KILLL YOU!

Back to our porn movie!

All this time, the matatu was in silence… Everyone held their breath… I know a minute percentile was horrified by this… The rest were busy getting erections and losing breath!

Like I said, I am blind, and I wanted to see also… So I kept on moving to focus clear images to my destroyed retina! I didn’t notice I was doing this until the little girl shoved me aside and said in a scary little voice,

“Ni nini na wewe… Kwani Unadhani ni wewe pekee yako unataka kuona!”

Her voice shattered thorough the silence!

My window was up…

She leaned forward and lowered it… then clicked “nkt!” as she looked straight into my eyes!

I have to admit, she scared the hell out of me!

My heart was beating fast and loud – I am not sure it’s from the sex scene or from the fear that had just been instilled by this little monster!

The two were still at it… They did not even think of stopping until the matatu driver came out of the car and threw a newspaper at them!

“Munadhani hapa ni Luthuli!?” he sput! He got in the car and we sped off…

They stopped sucking each others faces…. But the guy’s hand was still up her ass crack!

The little girl threw her empty ice cream tin out of the window then looked at me! I was ignoring this… Then she tapped me!

“Sasa ni nini ulikuwa unafanya hapo nyuma!? Eh?” She asks!

I didnt understand her question! Ok – I did but it couldnt have possibly meant what I thought it meant! 

In her head, i didnt want her to see the sex scene!

“huh!?” I ask in shock!

“Ulikuwa unataka kuona pekee yako?” she asks, catching me mid statement!

The people in the matatu are laughing mockingly! This child was annoying me!

“Si ujibu?” she continues, getting courage from the passengers who are on her side! I HAVE NO IDEA WHY!

“Wewe ulikuwa unataka kuona nini?” I ask in anger! One more word from this child and i was going to smash her face on the dashboard!

“Na kwani wewe ulikuwa unaangalia nini?” she asks!

Here is where i am supposed to smash her head against the dashboard!!

“nkt!” I click!

“Usijam…. jibu tu swali!” she continues… I am so angry i want to kill her, but the sad thing is, there nothing I can do… I can’t smash her big head or get into a verbal fight! I ignore the little bitch!

I was held ransom by a class six idiot!

“Hauleti shangwe!” she finished! She got off before I did! Somewhere near Kileleshwa Primary!

The little brat had the balls to point at me on her way out… THA FUCKS WRONG WITH KIDS THESE DAYS!?

The driver was in tears… “tumewezwa leo!” he said mid laughter!



Posted by on April 11, 2012 in matatu tales, sex


Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

20 responses to “THE GIRL CHILD (finale)

  1. Savvy Kenya (@savvykenya)

    April 11, 2012 at 4:43 pm

    Wololo, Ian you killed it! I wish I was in the matatu.. on other hand, I might as well have been there from your descriptions.. vivid! Now get yourself some glasses so you don’t complain of being blind, I feel robbed of the details of the making-out scene!

    • mydeardoris

      April 11, 2012 at 4:46 pm

      I am getting new glasses on Friday… I too felt so robbed! hahaha!

  2. untonyto

    April 11, 2012 at 5:17 pm


  3. optimusthe1

    April 11, 2012 at 5:28 pm

    wololo yaye! You guys were komongwad by a standard six toi……Deadly stuff man!

  4. ViValdi

    April 11, 2012 at 5:54 pm

    Ka unataka the sweet life (gettin’ to sit at the spot) you have to work for it! And that toi made ya work for it! Anafaa kuwa speaker wa parliament…..guys will sweat mbaya! Ha!

  5. tkimani

    April 11, 2012 at 7:04 pm

    Those are some pretty intense tags you’ve got there baba! Expect a serious redirection of traffic to your blog, nay this particular post!

    • mydeardoris

      April 11, 2012 at 7:10 pm

      i click yes to every suggestion I am given by wordpress 😀 and for people to get to read instead of indulge in porn… well… its a good thing!

  6. Joy

    April 11, 2012 at 7:12 pm

    Hahaha.. #deathby the std 6 kid!! She rly got y’all.Nxt time try to leta shangwe lol

  7. tkimani

    April 11, 2012 at 7:21 pm

    Hahaha, touche! But that new avi you’ve put up on your gravatar speaks to my unblemished retinas. Is that Doris? My dear Doris?

  8. Aria

    April 12, 2012 at 12:08 am

    “….clearly you are not taking it with the seriousness Id like you to take it with….” Hehehe. Clearly not. I’m going to have a ball going through your archives, Blog bookmarked! 🙂

  9. kui

    April 12, 2012 at 3:04 pm

    Hahahaha…my word!!Ur blog is a gem!I love the way ur so vivid in ur narrative..n pray tell why did the driver use a gazeti as his weapon of choice..he should have tafutad a bakora or something..hahahaha

  10. reumac

    April 12, 2012 at 4:13 pm

    I swear that toi…had I been in your position…things would have ended very differently…

  11. mmnjug

    April 12, 2012 at 4:14 pm

    Hahahahaha!! That kid…………that girl child is in another world. As for the porn……….. no comment….as I collect myself from under the table cos of laughter…….!!

    You just made my afternoon!

  12. jacquew

    April 12, 2012 at 4:21 pm

    Ian, you have made my day. I was hysterical with laughter! **wipping tears from my eyes** enyewe umeleta shangwe leo 🙂 🙂

  13. Kimani (@Pushkim)

    April 13, 2012 at 2:12 pm

    Nice piece Ian. Maybe you shoulda gone by Kirucy’s retort and asked that little brat ” Who was her mother?” But nimecheka yangu yote. Thumbs Up.

  14. Jennifer Hudson

    April 13, 2012 at 6:05 pm

    I have read and re-read this post….way too funny.

  15. Bizstler

    April 19, 2012 at 10:22 pm


  16. Sergent

    April 25, 2012 at 11:43 am

    Am sitting behind my boss and giggling like an idiot……

    • mydeardoris

      April 25, 2012 at 1:05 pm

      hehe… if you get fired, si mimi!

  17. blaqpunk

    May 29, 2012 at 2:56 pm

    …hahahaaaaa…dude…this ish is just sickkkkk…


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