I got this in my email inbox last night from a Dorcas* and got a little too over excited. I have not edited it in any way or made any changes. I think I might have found Doris. (Guest Post)
My dear Ian,
It is your true love Dorcas* writing to you…even as I write this I am in a state of shock. First of all, I don’t know why you insist on calling me Doris, when you well know that the name I was given at birth was Dorcas. It makes me think that maybe you are ashamed of me..or worse of our love.
Dearest Ian, as I write this, my heart trembles for you, and yet I am ever so confused. All these love letters that you have written pining for me, and I never received one. In fact, it took Mercy’s sister-in-law’s, house-help’s auntie who told me about the blog. Imagine my surprise to find that for months – nay years, you have been declaring your love for me to the world.
Yet, I don’t understand it…first of all, I have never received one single letter from you. Furthermore, I live just down the street – why would you not come straight to me and tell me….unless there is another Dorcas who you have named Doris that you are writing to?
I spent many hours last night reading and reading and reading, and I have to confess – my heart shattered into a million pieces. On one hand you declare your love for me, and on the other you constantly talk about these yellow-yellow padded girls. It breaks my heart when you know that I am quite the opposite of that – are you taunting me on purpose?
Well, I have to tell you, you have competition. Last night I received an x-rated message from one Njugu George who sells peanuts at the roundabout at Westlands. He is much more poetic than you, and even calls me baby. Let me tell you – you have competition. And it doesn’t matter that he is only 15 years old.
I write this letter to you so that you can see that I love you, but clearly our relationship is in jeapordy. I am too tired to write more..my love, I pine for you. Forget those yellow-yellows..they only want you for your style. Come back to me.