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Day 2 Night 2

12 Mar

My Lovely Doris,

I miss you beyond comprehension my love. My heart is tires from the urge it has from beating when you are close… I don’t understand that last sentence!

It has been long since I last wrote, and I apologise… It has been a busy month! It is crazy at the office… It has been crazy everywhere… Elections and all… The man I voted for lost the elections… The ink on my pinky haunts me, reminding me every time that WE LOST! My president is in court though, WE REJECTED THE RESULTS!

I have so much to tell you my love… I want to tell you all of it… But I can’t! I have to work… For your food, mine and our future children…

I moved out of my mother’s house… ULULATIONS!

Now we can start making children! 🙂

I had no idea moving out was such an uphill task! That project is ELEPHANT! I knew this when I went to buy a mattress! In my head, a mattress and a bed would cost me, not a cent more than 15,000… A mattress is 23,000/- I almost shit my pants… Long story short, POOH JUST HIT THE FAN!

I managed, with some miracle, to get a bed and a mattress… Then there is duvets and sheets and pillows… SHIT! A duvet is 5,000/- THEN THERE IS SOMETHING CALLED DUVET INNER! WTF! That thing is like another 5,000/- and I don’t even have sheets yet! I will stop there because I am running short of breath just thinking about it!

I found Doris...

I found Doris…

Its Tuesday today… I have been in the new house two nights! Here is the journal:

NIGHT ONE:

My parents came over for dinner! With them, they carried my younger brother and sister and my cousin… If your math is right, those are five human beings… Not long after they walked in, 3 more relatives followed! We are now ten human beings in this house… My brother (I moved out with him) and I bought six things of shit… Six plates, six glasses, six bowls and a few spoons… Ok that’s it! It gets worse!

We did not have salt… So the food was pretty saltless! You must be asking yourself where the food came from… My mother!

As people ate, someone asked for drinking water… We had none… WE HAD NOTHING TO DRINK! We boiled water in the kettle and shoved it in the freezer, hoping it will get cold in a bit… By the time our visitors were leaving, the water was still steaming!! Our beloved guests went home choking on chapati and chicken!

I had to do the dishes after the guests left… THE AGONY! The last time I did dishes was somewhere in 2010! My brother refused to help, saying, and I quote, “I don’t do domestic chores!”

My brother and I went shopping for stuff we had just realised we did not have… Salt topping that list… We bought all sorts of beverages… sodas juice… tea… So next time we are ready for thirsty guests!

NIGHT TWO:

I got home about two hours before my brother… Those were the loneliest two hours of my life! Now I know how those wives whose husbands work late feel!!! No wonder they are always so bitter… ts fuckin’ lonely man!

I warmed some food leftover from the night before and popped a soda!

I almost took a shower because there was nothing else to do after eating!

I went to the kitchen with my laptop and watched an episode of Breaking Bad Season 4.

I live much further from my office… So I have to leave the house by 7… This is SHIT!

Best part of moving out – I WALK AROUND THE HOUSE IN MY BOXERS – LIBERATION!

I need to find out how electric bills are paid using that thing that looks like a calculator mounted at the door! I also need a house help… A French one if possible! But above all, I need Jesus!

 

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12 Comments

Posted by on March 12, 2013 in big beautiful women, moving out, random

 

Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

12 responses to “Day 2 Night 2

  1. OTIENO B.C.

    March 12, 2013 at 1:37 pm

    I hope you also bought a mop and kitambaa ya kupanguza meza, (I don’t know what they’re called in english). BEcause sooner or later you’ll realize you need to wipe something off the floor or table and you have nothing but your hands and then you end up picking a tshirt that you don’t really know how you got it and…well you can fill in the rest

     
  2. حسبىteddy نعم الو (@TeddyKip)

    March 12, 2013 at 1:38 pm

    ati you almost took a shower…. kwani there are no hot chics in your neighborhood to hit on

     
  3. Soni

    March 12, 2013 at 2:06 pm

    With freedom comes responsibilities so brace yourself………..hehe:) I always look forward to reading your posts and let me just say i’ve never been disappointed so kudos to you!

     
  4. njeri wamarite

    March 12, 2013 at 2:52 pm

    hahaha.,pole…i can help u with that thing that looks like a calc above your door, its called a prepaid meter…u buy a token,either through mpesa or in uchumi at the till for kplc then u punch it in…ul need ur account no. though so make sure u have it when using either process…

     
  5. mmnjug

    March 12, 2013 at 7:02 pm

    Ahahahaha!! Welcome to bachelorhood……

     
  6. Ayugi

    March 12, 2013 at 10:16 pm

    Ian!! I am so damn proud!! Work it son!

     
  7. Wanja Judy

    March 13, 2013 at 9:33 am

    Big boy huh??You’ll do just fine, If you take it as an exciting experience.. All the best!!

     
  8. Ngatia (@ngatia_)

    March 13, 2013 at 12:21 pm

    Nice move. Welcome to freedom

     
  9. untonyto

    March 13, 2013 at 8:42 pm

    Someone’s moving up!

     
  10. Mahamed haje

    March 22, 2013 at 3:52 am

    oromo ethiopia o

     
  11. Shenzi_type (@shenzi_type)

    March 25, 2013 at 1:03 pm

    BTW, Doris looks haaaawt! 😉

     
  12. Sucre

    January 30, 2014 at 3:19 pm

    i have some chocking honest question to ask…get bak

     

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