30 May

Dear Doris,

I wish I had the time to tell you how much I love you… Doris, I am sure you already know this… I am trying to make this as short as possible because I do not have much time to do it!

I love you Doris… Please believe it… and if ever in any doubt… Ask me… I will say it again! This one will always stay ablaze in my heart… The love I have for you!

I will get to the point immediately.

We didn’t have water in my high school, Barding. We had to RUN for miles to go wash our bodies at some abandoned gold mine. This run could often get tiring and one would decide to SKIP! Sometimes you would get a little water from the borehole in school… This added up to about 3 litres or 5 if you are lucky!

This is how to do it…

1. The 2 U’s

If you have 3 litres of water to wash your body, then you have a problem. Here is where you look at yourself and ask the most important question… What part of my body is the dirtiest! Please do not lie to yourself that you are going to soap your whole body and rinse it with 3 litres of water… The sooner you accept this fact the better! Forget that nonsense for behind the ears and your back… It doesn’t work! Below is a diagram of the spot I advise you to concentrate on!

The two important U's. Under Arm and Under the Belly Button!

The two important U’s. Under Arm and Under the Belly Button!

2. The Initial Scoop

This is another important one! This will determine if you will have water all over your body to help with the soaping… This is done once and there is no room for messing up! This is how you do it. Scoop water with the palms of your hands together… Have this scoop full to the brim of your palms… Do not let even a drop spill out! The with pure calmness and respect let it fall at the top of your head… At this point, you should be standing up REALLY STRAIGHT so that the water can flow easily to your toes…

PLEASE NOTE – Please keep your hair really short… Long hair tend to mess this stage up!

3. The Soap

Only soap the marked areas on the diagram… Step 2 has most parts of your body wet if you did it right! You have to do this really fast so that you do not dry up! Leave a little hint of soap on the palm of your hands that you will run all over your body… This is just to hint on the idea of soaping your body… JUST TO HINT!

4. The Rinse

Please be advised that you will not need more than two scoops for this! 3 litres is about 6 substantial scoops! If your math is of any worth, we are up to 3 scoops!

The second scoop will have to clear all the soap at the two smaller spots on my diagram! This I call the DRAGON SCOOP! The scoop has to be done in two… Each hand scooping separately! Then with each hand slap the scooped water on the spots! The right hand on the left spot and vise versa ceteris paribus.

You will realise that the soap makes its way down the side of your body… Let it! We will address this later!

The third scoop done as the first all goes to the big red spot…  The note on step 2 applies here: Keep it short!

5. The Chest Splash

With a full scoop as the first, splash water on your chest and let it flow down your body… I HOPE YOU ARE STANDING UP STRAIGHT!!! YOU SHOULD BE IN THIS POSITION ALL THROUGH!

6. The Back Splash

Same as stage 5 but now this goes on your back!


I hope you have notice that your face is the only part we have not touched… Use the last scoop for this purpose… I really do not care how you do it…

You will realise that some parts of your body are still dry, dusty, sweaty etc But you are fresh enough to get them the next day! Remember that this method is rotational… Whatever parts you concentrate on today will have to be ignored tomorrow! The three points are to get you started… How you go on from this point is all on you!

The famous abandoned gold mine! 'Ongoro' - My friends and I

The famous abandoned gold mine! ‘Ongoro’ – My friends and I


Posted by on May 30, 2013 in barding tales, self help



  1. mmnjug

    May 30, 2013 at 6:20 pm

    Hahahaha!! Survivor kabisa!!

  2. Savvy Kenya (@savvykenya)

    May 30, 2013 at 6:21 pm

    LOL you really went to a shady village school! Hilarious as usual

  3. Pfeiffer

    May 30, 2013 at 10:38 pm

    awesome..dragon scoop lol!

  4. Wangui.

    June 1, 2013 at 11:54 am

    hahaha as usual u never disappoint 🙂

  5. brown

    June 3, 2013 at 12:22 pm

    hehehe,very funny,nice work ,check other amazing pieces of poetry and creative writings in our books at

  6. optimusthe1

    June 12, 2013 at 3:17 pm

    Really funny! Your school life must have been challenging!

  7. notsocrunchy

    August 16, 2013 at 11:53 pm

    Reblogged this on 1thoughtafteranother.

  8. The Real G

    August 17, 2013 at 2:33 am

    Reminds me of my High School, Maranda. We were neighbours, and even though it was considered a more ‘prestigious’ school, it really wasn’t all that. we suffered the same dry fate. One day I will gather enough memory to write about it.

  9. Oluoch Simon

    January 30, 2014 at 8:49 am

    The story is just very true, made it out of that hell hole and are who we are today. Picking a raw mango was a crime that could land u in deep problems with the dep Mr. Ak….


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