16 Aug

Dear Doris,

Hey Babe… I do not have much to say. This is a quickie letter.

I have just discovered I can’t make boiled eggs! I have just ruined four good eggs!

When I got home hungry today I decided to make the simplest meal… boiled eggs and pasta with ketchup…


Most answers ranged between 10-20 minutes. So because I like my eggs hard, I decided to do 20 minutes! You know… the longer the harder?!

I got four eggs from the fridge and got boiling!

how to boil an egg

how to boil an egg

As the eggs boiled, I diced tomatoes and onions and pili pili for my kachumbari! I have realised I suck at this as well. There is this thing I bought that’s supposed to dice onions… You know it? IT IS FUCKIN’ USELESS! It doesn’t dice for shit… So after struggling with it for like 10 minutes, I decided to go old school.. THE KNIFE! for some reason that last statement sounds like it’s about circumcision Anyways!

At minute 20 I checked my eggs… After  let them cool down I tried cracking one… THE THING WAS RAW! As in the york oozed out! The white had started hardening though!

I put the 3 eggs that were left back into the water and set my timer for another 20 minutes… THIS WAS A MISTAKE!

I got a Heineken from the fridge and went into the living room… It was time I finished watching The Holiday… I have never gone beyond the 14th minute…

I completely forgot that I was boiling eggs… Alexander Muge called me to ask if there were any free houses in my hood… Random gossip followed. By the time I hung up, the call timer blinked at minute 27!

I ran to the kitchen… It was all LAKI up in there… The whole place was covered in smoke and the eggs were violent! The water was way above the normal boiling pint… I could not even turn the gas cooker off! So I am all confused pulling so tai chi kwon do trying to put the gas off! When I finally got close enough… The eggs started blowing up… One second it was all smoke in the air and the next it was smoke and egg white!!!

When I finally got the thing off there wasn’t a single egg in the sufuria… Almost all the water had evaporated! My kitchen floor was now littered with bird embryo! GENOCIDE! I had no idea 3 eggs could make such a mess!

I cleaned the whole place up and lit up a cigarette… I almost died… And killed four fowls in the process… I deserved some nicotine in my system…

MENU: Kachumbari and a cigarette



Posted by on August 16, 2013 in comedy, near death


Tags: , , , , , , ,

15 responses to “BOILED EGGS

  1. joan

    August 16, 2013 at 3:40 pm

    That’s just messed up.

  2. Sally Njoki

    August 16, 2013 at 3:54 pm

    aki you are such a storyteller i almost die everytime i read your stories,the laughs..amazing! you just need a noisy timer for your cooking and i think the best eggs cook after 35 minutes on the timer all in all enjoy your dinner-i hope the eggs didn’t make you a smoker though!

    • mydeardoris

      August 16, 2013 at 4:21 pm

      No, I can’t stand smoking…

  3. Krista

    August 16, 2013 at 3:59 pm

    makes two of us, I never get why boiling eggs is so complex. I gave up eating boiled eggs. Stick to buying the ‘mayai mwitu’ of this world :-p

    • mydeardoris

      August 16, 2013 at 4:22 pm

      Mayayi mwitu?

      • Krista

        August 19, 2013 at 8:26 am

        the ones sold by the roadside with kachumbari on the side

  4. Jaber

    August 16, 2013 at 4:10 pm

    Hilarious!!! Boiling eggs is a skill set many have yet to acquire. You are just one of the many 😀

  5. Savvy Kenya (@savvykenya)

    August 16, 2013 at 4:19 pm

    haha.. didn’t your mother teach you to never leave anything on the gas? You have to watch it till it’s cooked. Gas/electricity is dangerous

    • mydeardoris

      August 16, 2013 at 4:23 pm

      It was the phone call man! The phone call… Plus the things werent getting hard!

  6. Soni

    August 16, 2013 at 4:49 pm

    Every one of your posts leaves me in stitches:) Keep practicing till you ace it-cooking boiled eggs is not that hard actually!

  7. Siren

    August 16, 2013 at 9:19 pm

    Ti Hi Hi…next time just microwave the eggs *evil smile*

    • Krista

      August 19, 2013 at 8:27 am

      perfect recipe for a disaster

  8. Ciiku

    August 22, 2013 at 2:31 pm

    HA HA. Hilarity.

  9. #DONGE! ® (@JulieOkiro)

    September 12, 2013 at 4:48 pm

    Ha Ha Ha


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