I have not written to you in over a month. I have since been reduced to a vessel of thoughts and dreams of being with you again! I miss you in a quite simple desperate human way. I have never, not once, stopped thinking about you… And I will never, not once, stop loving you…. For the love I have for you is all that drives blood through my very body!
I have just come back to the office from Sarit Centre. I went by matatu. Sarit Centre has a lot of construction work going on at their parking lot lately and it is less hectic just taking a matatu there! My office is five minutes away. Also it is 20 bob!
‘Life has become a bit boring’ That is what I was thinking about up until I decided to clear my throat on the bus back to the office from Sarit!
Let me explain, If I take a matatu to work, it leaves me at Agip Bus Station, just near Times Towers in town. I get the next matatu to Spring Valley at Koja Bus Park/Fire Station! That is a definite 2 kilometres (My Nike+ phone app says I burn unto 300 Calories walking this stretch) that cuts clean across the CBD. It is a long walk that destroys my shoes… I can sometimes almost feel their pain – My shoes! All the way from dustless streets of England to the heart of cracked pavements and fearless dust that is so fine that it penetrates through the leather! This can be seen from dusty toes in the evening!
Where was I?
Yes! As you walk through the CBD, there are all kinds of things you inhale. There is a dry cleaning shop next to Re Insurance Plaza that stinks of sodium hydrochloride that irritates the alveoli and a little further ahead, a bakery that smells of stale cake. There are a number of fast food joints that smell the same like they all use one chef! Poor fowl rotating helplessly on grills with metal rods that go through their body from anus straight up to the parting of the shoulders!
There are also shoe shops that smell of plastic with a recorded marketer playing from a radio! “VIATUUUUUUU! VIATUUUUUUU! MIA MBILIIIIIII! VIATUUUUUU!” over and over and over! And the numerous matatus and buses that bellow so much carbon monoxide as if they ran on fart instead of diesel!
By the time you get across town, your lungs are small factories! This normally gives you the urge to clear your throat! That is how the body is designed… I think! Let’s go back to the bus from Sarit!
I was standing holding the two parallel rods that run on the roof of the bus… It was a green and white bus – Walokana Bus! The bus smelled of a market. You know that heavy smell of vegetables going bad? And maybe a fart or two? The woman who sat in front of me had 2 gunias of cabbage that had each occupied a seat. She was big and dark! Her hair was thick and dark brown! Her clothes had almost no colour probably from washing them countless times and her gumboots were worn out! She was scary! The woman who sat on the opposite row, let’s call her woman A, had a hairstyle that looked like multiple obese worms orgied on her head. The man who sat next to her was dead asleep and his snore roared in harmony with the bus’ engine.
Then I cleared my throat!
You too are human, you have sometimes cleared your throat and, well, a thick ball of phlegm shot out of your mouth unintentionally! Yes? That is why it is always advised to cover the mouth when clearing the throat… Or coughing… Or sneezing!!! And for some people, even when taking!
Back to me…
A neat ball of phlegm shot out of my mouth so fast that I almost missed seeing it! With both my hands holding the two rods. The bustard found its way and neatly found its way to the cluster of worms on the woman A’s head! She felt it land on her head and even felt her head to feel what it was. She caught it and rubbed her fingers together to check on viscosity then looked at IT!
I looked around and realised three people had witnessed this. One of these people was the cabbage dealer!
“Mwambie ama nimwambie!” The woman who dealt in cabbage said loudly looking straight into my eyes…
I looked at the woman I had just planted DNA on and she looked right back!
“Mwambie!!!” The cabbage dealer repeated… I just stood there rooted on the spot! Felt like I had swallowed an avocado. I could not breath! The other two people who saw what happened just stared at me blankly!
The cabbage dealer was so loud that she caught the attention of half the bus!
“Ni nini Njoki?” the tout asked the cabbage dealer…
“Kutema tema mate ovyo…” Njoki replies still waiting for me to confess… My office was still a bit far out but I was willing to get off! There exists a peculiar idleness in Nairobi that can see one lynched for the stupidest of reasons!
“Nishukishe!” I tell the tout who ignores my plea and turns to Njoki! “Nani ametema mate!?” He asks…
“JISEME!!!!” Njoki shouts not looking at anyone in particular!!!
Someone had to get off so the bus stopped… I jumped out almost dislocating my wrist on the door…
I think Njoki told the woman what had happened before the bus left because she, Woman A, spat at me through the window missing me by a prayer!!! It landed right at the tip of my left shoe! Nothing wet wipes couldn’t handle!!!
P.S – For all #DearDoris fans who voted and supported US throughout the BAKE Awards period, thank you so much! We came in 2nd place in Best Creative Blog and 3rd Place in Best Kenyan Blog. Keep reading, I will keep writing! I had no clue so many people thrive on my misfortunes! 🙂
I love you all…