Dear Doris,
So splitting the WOMEN IN TURQUOISE story is getting me into so much trouble…
So here is the final bit of the story…
Before I start, please note that I AM BROKE… at least at the time… This is a very crucial factor that you will have to keep in mind as we move!
………. Ok I can’t remember where I left off so I will just start from a random part…
Rita works on Mombasa Road and lives in Loresho. Hold my last statement as irrelevant until later on into this letter.
Its Saturday morning and I have been talking to Rita for about a week. I know so much about her I could probably pick her from a school of naked women blindfolded. Apart from her jet hair and tender and light skin and extremely seductive eyes… I also know she uses Lolita Lempicka by Lolita Lempicka and does not wear nail polish! My mother was going to like this one!
Oh, I didnt know what Lolita Lempicka was either until i googled it! Please do the same!
I am getting ready for church… Still walking around my room in my boxers looking for my church trousers! A call comes in. My ringtone is ‘Tonight by Enrique Iglesias’ and I never pick up my phone until I hear my best part of the song, which is 5 seconds into the song. Enrique goes like, “You know I want you…. and its obvious that I want you too… now put it on me…” Yeah! Moving on!
Its Rita asking if we could meet up for cake!
Ladies and gentlemen, I have heard of coffee, food, sex, movie, blankets and wine BUT NEVER CAKE! or maybe it was a metaphor?! Read on and see…
“is arté café ok?” she asks in one of the most convincing voices I have heard this year…
“sure! what time?” I revert… “In an hour maybe?!” she says… “excellent!” I say!
My brother is in the bathroom… he showers for an hour!! I needed money! I didn’t have a single cent on me… not even sadaka!
I am doing MURD calculations in my head… I come to a figure, 300/- i have 1000/- in my MPESA and my brother gives me 2,000/- I am ready for Rita… There is a rhyme there= Ready for Rita 😀
You already know from ‘DATES THAT ARE BLIND’ that I like showing up extremely early for first dates…
I am there early and I have gone through the whole cake list… My budget is round and perfect unless she will eat more than 1KG of cake… I have mastered the whole menu in 10 minutes…
She gets there 6 minutes late… Her smile, well, sugar, spice and chaptis! I love chapatis. She is in a teal sundress that hung dangerously just enough for you to glimpse at her knees. She is holding a purple clutch purse and has let her hair down in perfect waves. Her arms are naked… kissing the air around her… her cleavage nothing short of AMAZING! A pair of nice round ones… I was almost in love… She is holding a bundle of keys, a Mercedes logo on one of them brought me back to my senses.
We are seated at the patio… small talk… “you have to try this cake” she says then signals a waitress and orders for something I DIDNT SEE ON THE MENU… But all is well… 3,000/- is a loooottttt…
Ladies and gentlemen what is about to take place, I believe, happened because I skipped church to meet a woman!
My back pocket was uncomfortably empty… I had forgotten my wallet at home… or in the car.. or I DONT KNOW WHERE BUT I DIDNT HAVE IT!
I go deaf… I can only see her mouth moving… I am confused! I needed a solution!
She holds my hand and calls out my name with utmost grace… “Ian? are you ok?” she asks..
I come back to my senses… her hand still on mine… It brought an uncomfortable comfort!
“yeah… i am..” i answer…
The bill comes…. 940/= It hits me that I have MPESA. NOW HOW TO RUN TO AN MPESA, WITHDRAW, THEN COME PAY was the question… I was sweating! I pretend to be reaching for my wallet…
“Don’t!” she says in a smile’ “I got this one” she continues. I try to talk her off it knowing very well I am digging my own grave… She is persistent, I give up! She pays and I am walking her to her car…
She insists on holding my hand… i dont complain! A yellow woman like this one holding your hand in public raises street cred…
“its my mums!” she says after noticing the shock on my face when I saw the car she came in… A CLS!
“what do you have planned for the day?” she asks…. I am still going through the 3rd stage of shock (DEAFNESS).
“ahh! Nothing…. Maybe go home and watch movies” I fumble!
“I have an idea… come over to mines. We can watch movies!” YOU ALL KNOW I COULDNT HAVE SAID NO!
That ride from Westgate to Loresho was the most comfortable ride I have heard in my life! And just so you know, Lolita Lempicka SMELLS GREAT!
The rest is blur…
Dear Doris 