30 Oct

My Dear Doris,

I can’t remember the last time I wrote to you my Love. The truth is, I went silent to see if you really cared. To see if you will write back to check if I am alive. I have since learnt that you do not care. Which kills me. But it is fine Doris. It is not like I chose to fall madly in love with you right? It is not like I planned to meet you! It is not that God decided to plant the fullest of hips on you… Or naturally lighten your skin… Doris, what I am trying to say is, it is not my fault to have fallen this deeply for you. It is not my fault! And it kills me that you treat this like it is my fault! We loved each other Doris. Madly! What happened to us? What happened to us sensing the other was not well.. What happened to those long hours in each others arms? What happened to ‘We do not care what our parents think?’… What happened? I miss you.

You do not pick calls anymore. It sure felt good being able to call you when ‘Sura Yako‘ by Sauti Sol came on the radio. Our song! I have decided it is our song! You know how much I love Sauti Sol.

I am writing this as I listen to Michael Bolton! With ear phones lodged deep in my ears! I listen to Michael Bolton when I am writing. I am embarrassed. But I feel theres no better jams to pour your heart out to that Michael Bolton… Especially when it is a sad story! His voice is just the right pitch for telling a sad story.

A lot has happened since I last wrote. Nothing ‘near death’ though!

I have been having a difficult time sleeping the past few days! I like sleeping, and I conc* out in seconds no matter what is on my mind. That is why I can watch horror movies so easily in the dead of the night when I am alone. I will not have issues sleeping through a good exorcism movie! I have slept like a baby right after a bad break up! I will cry, yes… Lakini saa ya kulala ni saa ya kulala! I remember one time in primary school my mum was called in by the deputy head teacher because she thought I was sick. I had slept the whole day! Hehe! Also, without an alarm, I can be asleep 17 days mfululizo*! I like my sleep and if it gets to a point where I can’t sleep, it is a BIG! Let me explain!

The Upper Hill Falls!

The Upper Hill Falls! And 200k apartments in the background!

I live in Madaraka. A railway line separates Madaraka from Upper Hill. The apartments opposite mine (on the Upper Hill side) cost 200k a month! So that railway line is just the world telling me, ‘LANES NIGGA… LANES!’

About a month ago a sewage pipe blew up on the Upper Hill side. Not the usual 3mm pipe burst you see everyday. This was some major shit transporter! It got worse with every passing day! It was a water fall in a week! And I am not exaggerating! Please try to take out the picture of a waterfall of shit from your head, because it wasn’t anything like that! Just RAW water. Does that make sense? It is just green water that looks like it would satisfy a medium skuma wiki farm. It looked quite rich!

So, of late, I have learnt to sleep with the sound of a water fall in my back yard. Which is not so bad. It is soothing… Sleeping to the sound of high velocity water hitting the ground is quite heavenly. It is almost like rain hitting the walls of your apartment… It is like sitting in your car and watching rain hit your wind shield. I am trying to tell you that it is nice! Everyone knows how beautiful it is to sleep to the sound of rain!

Now imagine I have been sleeping to this waterfall for a month then Nairobi City Water and Sewerage Company decide to fix it! One of the few things they are doing right is wrong! I am still mad at them for bursting my water metre! Now I can’t sleep. Madaraka Resort and Spa is now just Madaraka!

This one is for K-Waxx who can recite almost all my letters to Doris word for word!

Important Note: I thoroughly appreciate my readers. Very few things give my heart the same warmth as when a fan goes, “Dear Doris!” You mean a lot to me.

Another important note: My blogger friend @MagungaWilliams is contesting for a really big #Samsung tv. If he win this huge #Samsung tv, he gets to give whomever he chooses another #Samsung tv. I have no clue how this works but I want that other #Samsung tv. I have no idea what one is supposed to do or how one is supposed to do it… All I know is everyone who wants this other #Samsung tv keeps on using the hash tag #Samsung all over the place. Read @MagungaWilliams’ work here Real G so that he can win tvs for all of us. Also comment there telling him it is me he should give the #Samsung tv to!


Posted by on October 30, 2014 in comedy, random, short comings


Tags: , , , , , ,

6 responses to “A WATERFALL OF SH*T

  1. Kevin Isaac

    October 30, 2014 at 2:17 pm

    Spotted Doris on page 10 of the Nation this Monday. Tried calling but you weren’t picking.

    • mydeardoris

      October 31, 2014 at 8:54 am

      Wololoooloo. Lazima nitafute hio gazeti! Hehe

  2. pajewest

    October 30, 2014 at 2:52 pm

    dear Guy..

    amaizing stuff… Thumbs up

    Best Regards,

    Judith Ngonyo Tel +254728965030

  3. Ann

    October 30, 2014 at 2:57 pm

    Me too…at last i got someone who feels the same way….sleeping for 17days mfululizo 😀

  4. awinomagawa

    October 30, 2014 at 4:42 pm

    Waiting for the next one,you never disappoint . This time usichelewe sana,i keep checking email now and then.

  5. mnkatha38

    October 30, 2014 at 8:05 pm

    Finally you wrote another letter but if you take this long to communicate, then she thinks you’ve broken up and all


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