Erection!

My Love Doris,

How the thought of you during dull and unloving weather like this keeps me warm at heart… Think me crazy but I think it’s the thought of you that keeps me alive… And warm…

I keep on blowing my nose… It must be because I have been rained on for the past 2.5 hours!

Do not be alarmed… I will explain!

If you live in Nairobi you already know the situation on the roads today… Traffic everywhere… This leads to hiked fares and well… No matatus!

This as you know happens in Nairobi every time it rains… The situation gets worse when it’s raining everyday… This is boring… Let me jump into the juice!

I leave the office at about 6:30pm… It’s pouring disciples and descendants… I have no fuckin’ idea why I left the office in the first place… My office is in spring valley…

I am rained on at the stage for about half an hour before a full bus comes by… It’s completely full… Completely… Guys are standing, some almost falling out the door…

“westi sabini… Westi sabini…” the makanga who is hanging on the ladder on the body of the bus shouts…

I take the bus…

The traffic is so congested that 30 minutes after I get into the bus, it hadn’t moved an inch…

I am standing somewhere at the centre… All the windows are closed and someone had farted earlier so the whole place smells like tuberculosis… I was going to throw up!

I am holding on to the railing on the roof of the bus just like everyone else who was standing… We were so tightly packed that I could feel the woman standing in front of me’s heart beat from her back…

Let me explain for you this scene…

Two women were standing in front of me… They did not bear adequate wit – they kept laughing randomly at everything!!! I dislike such women… They tend to lead a purposeless life… Anyhu

Behind me was a Kikuyu man… He had to be Kikuyu… Again with the shirt unbuttoned and a gold chain… And, well, the bus was from lower kabete… And he said something in Kikuyu.. Maybe he was Arab, I don’t know!

His breath was heavy… Pungent… Smelt like rewound socks… And I was facing the opposite direction…

The drama begins at this point…

The man was way shorter than I was…his head was just below my shoulder.

The bus ride was rough so once in a while I would feel him rub against me…
( please be advised we are still in spring valley)

Where was I… Yeah…

I completely ignored this because I thought it was normal in a bus packed like this… Once in a while you would rub against someone… It couldn’t be avoided…

I suspected danger when he randomly rubbed against me when the bus was at a complete stand still… He confirmed his behavior by smiling at me when I looked back to check what was going on…

I moved in front a bit to distant myself from the fool…

The bus moved a bit and braked… The fool was onto me again!!! He was closer than before…

Here is the funny part…

This time I felt something that was not there before… I was sure the man was not carrying an umbrella or torch or anything that would press against the back of my legs like so.

The man, arguably, had an erection…

He, like I mentioned before, was way shorter than me, i felt the odd object a few centimeters above the back of me knee…

“what the fuck man!” I turned and shouted…

Everyone in the bus looked at me with judging eyes…

“you want fuck?” the man asks me with no shame whatsoever… But in an illicit whisper…

I think we all know I had had enough…

I move past one of the stupid women…

I now stood between witless humans…

They were talking about nyama choma… That was the longest conversation about meat I have heard my whole life…

I got off the bus just near the Brookside Drive junction… I had had it up to here (pointing at my forehead)

It was still raining hard… Funny thing is that I found more comfort under the rain than in a bus smelling of shit with molesting humans and two idiots…

I told myself I would walk to Sarit Centre and get a matatu to town from there…

I got to Sarit Centre drenched..

No matatus…

I told myself I would walk to Chiromo and get a matatu home from there…

(please be advised that from this point onwards I was risking my life)

I got to Chiromo… Even more drenched… No matatus…

I told myself I would walk home and have me one hell of a meal…

I am home with a splitting head ache and a nose that will to stop running… And I have eaten the biggest portion on ugali I have had this year… With chicken and skumawiki…

Now I am going to bed…

I love you Doris…