Dear Doris,
Baby, you will not believe what has just happened!!
Forgive my terrible manners…
How are you my love? I heard that you had a serious flu… Are you taking medicine? Have you tried FLUGONE!!? That shit will heal you in a few hours… ON TO THE STORY!
So I get to the office in the morning and find everyone jumping into cars and speeding off!! we had an event at Peponi School at 8am. So everyone was rushing there. I was not part of that team because I have so much work on my desk…
I have had the office camera for a while, so I had to come in early to hand it in for the event. I get the last ride out and give @aleyajamel the camera!!
I get a call from a collegue that the camera does not have a battery…
SO I have to rush to Peponi school to drop the battery!!
PLEASE BE ADVISED THAT THE JUICY PART IS COMING!!
I get to Peponi and drop off the battery and dash out!!
I get to the road and flag down a matatu…
PLEASE NOTE THAT I DONT HAVE MY GLASSES!
I jump into the matatu and I quickly state my destination, “SPRING VALLEY”
I am seated on the row immediately behind the driver… Right at the door!
The woman sitting next to me is holding a HUGE portrait picture of an elderly man. At the bottom of the picture ‘Eliud (Mzee) Kamau Kamau (1947-2011)’
This woman was definitely headed to a funeral or was from one!!
I ignore this fact completely!!
I notice a red piece of cloth tied on both side mirrors of the matatu… (this normally means the vehicle is heading to a funeral*)
So I start paying very close attention to whats going on around me…
The man seated on the far end of my row has his head leaning on the window… He is staring blankly on the empty box that’s supposed to have an LCD screen!
The women seated on the second row are all sniffling… Blowing their noses now and then…
The man seated at the back is on the phone… He is speaking in Kikuyu so I can’t tell what he is going on about…. But from his voice, I can tell whatever he is talking about is burdening his breathing pattern… He was holding back a lot of pain!!
Then he goes like “Gitonga hakuleta smiti e berera?”
Now ladies and gentlemen… I know very little Kikuyu if not at all…
I know ‘Nekwedete’ is ‘i love you’
I also know ‘roshio’ is ‘tomorrow’.
‘gui eno’ is ‘you dog’.
ANOTHER RANDOM ONE I KNOW IS ‘BERERA’ WHICH MEANS ‘GRAVE’!!
Then it hits me… When I was walking towards the matatu there was a huge box on the roof which I completely ignored!!!
I look into the matatus side mirrors getting a glimpse of the humongous box on the roof, confirming my fears, Eliud (Mzee) Kamau Kamau was on the roof!!!
I almost swallow my tongue!! My heart is pounding so hard I can feel it on my back!! Chills make their way down my spine…
i am looking around… Everyone is looking at me with soaked faces… Its like they knew I had just realised what was going on!!
“NASHUKA!” I shout with no second thoughts!!
“haushuki Spring Valley tena?” the makanga asks in absolute shock!!
I get off about half a kilometre away from my stage!!
I squint to look closely at the casket on top of the matatu as it speeds off… All I can think about is ‘HOW THE F* DID I MISS THAT!? IT WAS SO HUGE!”
AND ANOTHER NIGGA BITES THE DUST!
RIP Mzee Eliud… You scared me half to death!
p.s The picture is to take away the sadness off this post and the title is to get you to this point… If you are reading this and smiling, then I have done well. If you are not smiling I suggest you go learn how to read!
theshynarcissist
November 8, 2011 at 12:46 pm
😀
soniisugar
November 8, 2011 at 1:02 pm
I’m sorry I laugh every time I read this but I just can’t hold it. It’s kinda funny and sad at the same time…
I totally get you on the ‘not having glasses part’ though ..mine broke last week, it’s been hell….
RIP to the old man,,,and pole for the near-death scare…
mydeardoris
November 9, 2011 at 9:24 am
then i am doing something right… ENDELEA KUSOMA 😀
Njeri Wamarite
November 8, 2011 at 1:21 pm
Hahaha, Eliud Mzee Kamau Kamau u have made my afternoon @arungaian how do u know of mberera…
mydeardoris
November 9, 2011 at 9:23 am
just random kikuyu words i pick up…
kbaab
November 8, 2011 at 1:40 pm
hehehehe!
Dexxe (@Dexxe)
November 8, 2011 at 3:08 pm
I am laughing very hard because I have been to almost similar encounters when I forget my glasses
mydeardoris
November 9, 2011 at 9:23 am
hahah! i hope you didnt have to meet random dead ppl
Linda
November 8, 2011 at 4:46 pm
Hahahaaa…! Ian, I was having a bad day until I read this….Lol!!!
Pole sana Ian,I now know what berera means
mydeardoris
November 9, 2011 at 9:25 am
omera okuyu odwa miya heart attack!!
Nyawizzy
November 9, 2011 at 2:02 pm
Mzee Eliud haunting you as a caricature in your dreams would be fun! Hahaha Nice read!
dallahz
November 14, 2011 at 10:55 am
hahahahahahahahahahha re-reading and still laughing
She Blossoms...
November 15, 2011 at 5:02 pm
Woi! Hata mimi ningeshuka! Now how do I even feel sorry for you? This is way too funny.
viruSDetected
November 25, 2011 at 11:46 am
I’m not smiling, I’m laughing out loud and feeling embarrassed for you at the same time
proboxsucceed
November 25, 2011 at 4:12 pm
I laughed at the pronunciations of the Kyuk words. I can just hear you saying them. ROCHIO
mydeardoris
November 25, 2011 at 4:35 pm
haha!! Everyone around me laughs when i speak kyuk!!
kiatu
December 1, 2011 at 2:50 pm
fala hii
@mojo706
December 1, 2011 at 2:57 pm
Yes, I love the colors on the picture too. It does take away the Sadness 🙂
Mummy Tales the blog
December 1, 2011 at 3:21 pm
Were the occupants not singing ‘Tukutendereza’ or ‘This World is Not My Home’ as is the norm when burial convoys are enroute to somewhere in Central?
Karii
December 1, 2011 at 3:22 pm
This one is a killer!:)
Cissoq
December 1, 2011 at 3:51 pm
Hiyo ni kare
George
December 1, 2011 at 6:29 pm
Email me this great creativity.
Wahogo
December 2, 2011 at 2:01 pm
You really made my day humorous! Nice one!
Douglas
December 2, 2011 at 2:15 pm
He He He…I did not laugh till i remembered the part that you left your glasses.
Mad Blogger (@M_dblogger)
December 2, 2011 at 2:25 pm
Hahaha, thoroughly entertained!
Elektrische Zahnbuerste
December 8, 2011 at 12:24 am
I adore your wp web template, wherever would you obtain it through?
abetkidjoh
January 26, 2012 at 3:51 pm
I can so relate to the glasses bit. I am hopeless without mine. Good stuff
Joy
February 9, 2012 at 2:31 pm
Hahahaha…today ive laughed the most
Meidimi Hugo Sokoto (@Meidimi)
June 9, 2012 at 11:40 pm
Lol, great title and hilarious story.
mnkatha38
September 3, 2014 at 7:15 pm
Haha that’s the most random kikuyu word, I know a lot of words in kikuyu but that